life lessons
Every now and again, when I’m least expecting it, some of my most shameful
memories will come racing to the forefront of my mind. Why does that cringey
moment from 12 years ago come crawling out of the darkness to dead-end the
good stuff? I don’t know the answer, but I experienced this recently. I’m not quite
ready to go into the gory details in a public way, but let’s just say these particular
toe-curling memories include doing something seriously uncool in the presence
of cool people and being led in the wrong direction at work because I was too
scared to speak up and go with my gut. Vivid motion pictures of these long-gone
times sped through my mind and blocked my vision. Although we might feel alienated in our
fear that we are the only ones with such abhorrent memories, I’m pretty sure most of you
reading this will be able to delve back in time to a moment that makes your knees buckle with
embarrassment or shame. Sloppy words spoken and taken the wrong way. Failure or disappointment
on display in front of people you respect. Moves made when you were younger and lacking in
life experience. We’ve all done the regrettable and struggled to deal with the memory of it.
A trusted friend and I were sat chatting one morning about this very subject and I felt complete
relief when she revealed that she also experienced many a cinematic recall of events she would
rather park for ever. We decided, in a safe and private space, to share these personal stories with
each other. There was, of course, a catharsis to be found in sharing our embarrassments, but
more surprising was our reaction to the other’s supposed woes.
At one point, my friend howled with laughter at one of my
nightmarish stories, which gave me a new perspective on what
had taken place. Was it that awful? Or could I learn to see it
with a little humour and newfound relief?
The same happened for her as I shrugged
and looked puzzled at one of her most
dreaded recollections. I didn’t see the big deal at all and couldn’t
understand the years she’d wasted harbouring negative emotions.
These memories can feel so weighted in shame that we fear telling
someone will inflate them, especially if they’re met with raised
eyebrows or shock. Yet, if you choose the right trusted friend, one
you know loves you deeply, that will never be the case.
By keeping these moments secret, we resist the opportunity to
accept them, and possibly even to learn from them. Setting them
free will always diminish their power and allows us to see them
for what they really are: unchangeable moments in the past that we
truly can let go of. If you feel too nervous to share, just remember
that, the longer you keep these memories locked up in the depths of
your being, the more powerful they’ll seem. And the more we collate
and store them, the more we will believe we’re the only ones to have
had such failures. Seeing someone you trust react in a loving way
allows your own self-flagellation to dissipate as you gain another angle
on the story, another set of eyes on the scene.
If you feel strong enough, grab a good mate and get ready for
some heady liberation – and, possibly, a bloody good laugh.Can you dull the memories of your cringiest moments by
sharing them with a friend? Fearne Cotton gives it a tryPHOTOGRAPHY:^GETT
Y.^ILLUSTR
ATION:JUDITHVAN^DEN
H
O
EK‘We’ve all
done the
regrettable’
Fearne will be hosting her Happy Place Festival on 3rd and 4th August
(at Chiswick House & Gardens) and on 7th and 8th September (at Tatton Park).
T o f i n d o u t m o r e a n d t o b o o k t i c k e t s , v i s i t h a p p y p l a c e f e s t i v a l. c o mA PROBLEM
SHARED