170 How to Win Every Argument(Exit Jones, hurriedly, before it is pointed out that the worst
oppressors of the working classes are human. Since Jones is
human...)The great thing about undistributed middles is that you can
undistribute new ones as further 'evidence' in support of your
previously undistributed ones. (The worst oppressors of the
working class wear shoes; Jones wears shoes...)
The expert user will take the trouble to find out which terms
are distributed or undistributed. He will learn the simple rule:
'Universals have distributed subjects, negatives have distributed
predicates.' Universals are statements which tell us about all or
none of a class, and negatives tell us what isn't so. Armed with
this technical information, the expert is able to inflict upon his
audience such monstrosities as:
All nurses are really great people, but it happens that some really great
people are not properly rewarded. So some nurses are not properly
rewarded.
(It may be true, but has he given an argument? Since the middle
term 'really great people' is neither the subject of a universal, nor the
predicate of a negative, it is not distributed. We have here, therefore,
a very complex fallacy of the undistributed middle.)Leaving aside these technical uses, the fallacy in its simple
form will give hours of pleasurable success if applied system-
atically. You should use it to gain approval for what you favour by
pointing out how it shares qualities with something universally
admired. Similarly, opposing ideas can be discredited by show-
ing what qualities they share with universally detested things.
The union closed shop is the will of the majority; and democracy is the
will of the majority. The union closed shop is only democratic.
(Where do I sign? [You did.])