My Story
My story starts in rural New Zealand at the age of 16, when inflamed with the
heat of Eros and the Muse, I drew pictures of this curiously beautiful man with
a conical spiral hat on his head. I knew the pictures I drew were of a new type of
human I called the Universal Man, who would be born out of the old. Even back
then I was aspiring to the mystic civilization.
In July 1988 at the age of 27 after two years sailing through the pacific and
living in Hawaii, I went back to Auckland and took a job as a picture framer and
went on a raw diet. Six months later due to various stresses and along with an
unconscious biological intuition of my father’s immanent death, I had my first
kundalini awakening. Though at the time I knew nothing of kundalini, I just
assumed I had been “struck by lightning from God” so to speak. There was a
nervous condition fall-out from my first awakening that lasted until I left New
Zealand for California eight months after my fathers’ death. But basically I could
not adjust to unadjustable conditions, for my consciousness was emerging from its
repressive mechanisms and it needed space.
No obvious kundalini activity occurred for almost ten years after that first blast.
My book writing escapade started in 1993 and most of my energy went into that;
I was resolving my past and attempting to heal myself and my family through my
writing. Then in 1996 I saw a face in a book catalog that looked curiously like my
Universal Man. So I got the book, read the first sentence and started laughing.
Yep, this was him alright. I proceeded to read his books, revving up my neurons
and exploring his worldview.
The Universal Man then started to show up in my deepest most meaningful
dreams. The first dream I had on a visit to Hawaii, which reflected on the core
nature of my potential for relationship. In this first dream I learnt that fear of
intimacy and fear of rejection are the same thing, and that the resolution of this
constitutes the success or failure of all relationship, including that which we have
with our own soul. I can’t say I would have gotten such a clear picture of the
cause and resolution of the separate-self-sense and its self-alienating mechanism, if
I had not had that first dream of Universal Man. I had this dream 3 years prior to
meeting my initiator and it did not prevent me from playing out an excruciating
drama of separation as I came up against my own barriers to intimacy.
As an archetypal influence on my psyche Mr. Universal touched my core wiring
for bonding, and basically revealed to me a “hole” in my primary matrix. Since I
had not bonded well with my family in infancy, this fueled an irreconcilable sense
of separation I carried with me throughout life. Richard Alan Miller points out that
individuals with a high natural endorphin level fail to bond well, due to a decreased
desire and need to bond. Some factors that would increase endorphin neurology
in a fetus and infant are, the stress and workload of the mother, inharmonious
and patriarchal marriages, solar max, war, poverty, poor nutrition of the mother
and addiction in the family. All givens come with a pro and a con however, so
such a circumstance need not be all bad. Such individuals are more likely to be
unconvinced by consensus reality, not dependent on relationship, exhibit an
expanded range of consciousness and unique creativity.