an awakening we see everything as symbolic and thus gain detachment from both
inner and outer phenomena. In its morbid expression this could be existential
meaninglessness, in its healthy expression it is Freedom.
Often during ones first awakening the down cycle is as electrically energetically
powerful as the spontaneous explosion of energy up the spine. It’s the same intensity
of energy up the body threatening to blow one’s head off, however instead of
ecstasy one experiences great terror. Of course whatever rational faculty we have
going at that moment will ascribe a particular “reason” as to why we are in such
terror. The real reasons for us reaching such a crisis are deep in our biology and
unconscious. As we descend layers of meaning this propels the chemistry further in
our efforts to rationalize our terror. Such an event can lead to ongoing depression
beyond the initial blast up the spine itself, because our “reasons” can perpetuate
our dark night, and this can stretch on for years if we do not have the discipline
and insight to turn our chemistry back into an up swing. Going deeper into being
can kick up mud in our pond, but the lotus flower is just as beautiful all along.
Stressed about enlightenment—thought about changing your self-talk a little?
In the initial stages of transformation we might operate more from the deprivation
side of ourselves, to be intent on whipping ourselves into shape through guilt,
shame, self-loathing and fear. This approach is almost inevitable except in those
who have been uncommonly supported and unconditionally loved as a child. To
avoid the paradox of being stressed out by our drive to transform, we need to
observe this phenomena and change our self-talk. Instead of transformation, we
could use the word Enjoyment-Aliveness, for real transformation actually amounts
to this.
If we find that flagellating ourselves on the spiritual path then we can be sure
that the dominant figures we have in place are the Superego-Parent and the Self-
Righteous-Teacher. When it comes to establishing your integral-lifestyle, this is
not going to get you anywhere. For true transformation is bought about via the
Child and the Sage...and neither of these will give you stress. If you sit intimately
with the disharmony and disillusionment that your transformation-drive sets up
you will be able to see and feel it as an object, then move around the edges of it
to the Child and Sage and allow them to heal you and make Whole. The Sage is
All-Knowing and the Child is All-Innocent. By relaxing into the not-knowing of
the Child this allows the Sage to be heard. But if you stay in the Parent-Teacher
mode, their voices are so strident, loud and overbearing that you lose touch with
the true agents of transformation.
Consider that it wasn’t until the industrial age that humans became unbalanced
in their lifestyles. Village and tribal lifestyle was integral at the mythic level. We
now have to find out what it means to live a Whole-HUuman lifestyle in the
very unbalanced information age. Considering the vast resources at our disposal it
should be easy...but greater choice and information sometimes makes it harder to
focus, to choose and to commit. Thus we must draw on the Percival and Merlin
within us to find the path that is true to us beyond all outer appearances and
distractions. The heart and intuition will stabilize the incarnation of our Divine
Child and Sage.