cHanGes in selF-orientation
DissolUtion: Mental confusion. Difficulty concentrating. Old anchors and
safety nets no longer hold. Freefall in surreal limbo. Disorientation in sense of self.
Sense of fading, of not really being here. Loss of coordination and motor control
during the shock and inner-conjunctions. Loss of affective memory, a flattening
of memory. Loss of egoic self-continuity and focus. Preoccupation with symbols,
archetypes and myth. Panic in those with no meditation experience who feel they
need to control rather than surrender. Emotional outbursts, rapid mood swings,
unprovoked episodes of grief, fear, rage or depression, all within a background of
bliss. Desire for quiet, meditation, baths and solitude in nature. The symptoms
and experience of kundalini are also so preoccupying as to make all else disappear
in one’s perception. Leading up and during the peak there is a sense of one’s
life coming to a nexus; a convergence of dream and daily experience by breaking
through of the walls of one’s conscious “I” to experience more of the sub and super
conscious levels as well.
sUBstantiation: Eventual loss of cyclic reactive mental patterns that dissolve
along with the body armor. That is the mind becomes more silent. The body
holds less tension and is calm and relaxed. Loss of compulsive and self destructive
habits. After the blocks are cleared and the structures changed to convey more
prana flow there is a permanent equanimity of the transcendental state. Less
ambivalence, distance from decisions, more centered. More single-mindedness
of purpose. Clearer, deeper perception of reality. Distance from symbols, myths,
stories and superstitions. Increased ability to embrace paradox, opposites, marriage
of the concrete with abstraction. Able to unify focal and peripheral perception;
that is merging of left and right-brain consciousness which integrates the body-
mind-spirit. Increased fullness, integration and wholeness. Increased autonomy
and uniqueness, lack of desire to “fit in.” Sensation of seeing with an inner
eye. More spontaneity, openness and non-attachment to experience. Increased
gratitude and appreciation. Increased detachment, objectivity and transcendence.
Increased empathy, diplomacy and sensitivity, yet less sentimentality. Impervious
to enculturation, manipulation, coercion. Establishment of true moral intuition
rather than mere abeyance to law. Ability to love, improved relationships. Oneness
with the world. Detachment, objective witnessing, separation from thought and
emotion. Loss of hunger sense due to pervasive endorphins and perhaps due to
more gluconeogenesis.
In this yoga of awakening both the “good” and the “bad” of
life are turned into the service of emergence.