This passage is effective because Carter uses strong verbs such as ‘dug’ and
‘dragged’, ‘punched’ and ‘kicked’. Note also how the girl’s movements activate
motion in the objects around her, ‘the pillows burst in a fine haze of down’.
The next passage is by Canadian novelist Margaret Atwood:
Example 2.6
At the right moment Miss Flegg gave me a shove and I lurched onto
the stage, trying to look, as she had instructed me, as much like a
mothball as possible.Then I danced.There were no steps to my dance,
as I hadn’t been taught any, so I made it up as I went along. I swung my
arms, I bumped into the butterflies, I spun in circles and stamped my
feet as hard as I could on the boards of the flimsy stage, until it shook.
I threw myself into the part, it was a dance of rage and destruction,
tears rolled down my cheeks behind the fur, the butterflies would die;
my feet hurt for days afterwards. ‘‘This isn’t me,’’ I kept saying to
myself, ‘‘they’re making me do it’’; yet even though I was concealed in
the teddy-bear suit, which flopped about me and made me sweat, I felt
naked and exposed, as if this ridiculous dance was the truth about me
and everyone could see it.From Lady Oracle (Atwood 1982, p. 50)Here there is a considerable build-up of strong verbs in the sentence
beginning ‘I swung my arms.. .’ but the passage is also effective because
the actions indicate the girl’s feelings, her embarrassment and anger: ‘it
was a dance of rage and destruction’.
The third passage is by American novelist Paul Auster, and is a fictional
account of a movie star from the silent-film era:
Example 2.7
Hector can charm you with any one of a thousand gestures. Light-
footed and nimble, nonchalant to the point of indifference, he
threads himself through the obstacle course of life without the
slightest trace of clumsiness or fear, dazzling you with his backpedals
and dodges, his sudden torques and lunging pavanes, his double takes
and hop-steps and rhumba swivels. Observe the thrums and fidgets
of his fingers, his deftly timed exhales, the slight cock of the head
when something unexpected catches his eye. These miniature
acrobatics are a function of character, but they also give pleasure in
and of themselves.From The Book of Illusions (Auster 2002, p. 33)32 The Writing Experiment