The Times - UK (2022-04-08)

the times | Friday April 8 2022 3

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Nadine Dorries

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The Grammys

This government is so deeply weird,
isn’t it? Like, it says “Conservative
Party” on the packet and it does
classic Tory MP stuff like “having
kinky sex scandals” and “treating
the prissy faux-poshness of Jacob
Rees-Mogg like some kind of adorable,
novelty football mascot” — but then
when you look at what we might
laughingly refer to as its “core beliefs
system”, it doesn’t look historically
recognisable.
I thought the key thing about Tories
was that they were always figuratively
wearing “What Would
Maggie Do?”
baseball caps. But
I’m pretty sure, in
a blind taste test, the
ghost of Baroness Thatcher would spit
out a putative bottle of “Tories 2022”,
shouting: “This isn’t Conservatism!
This is just... Chaotic Ledge Juice!”
The high taxes, the compulsive state
spending, the prorogation of
parliament, the booze-ups the night
before Prince Philip’s funeral, the
sudden enthusiasm for
cryptocurrency, the blithe lack
of concern for Northern Ireland,
a prime minister with an
uncertain number of children:
if the Conservatives aren’t
about low taxes, small state,
rule-keeping, fiscal
prudence, the Union,
nuclear families and respect
for the royal family, then
what will be left of the party
once Boris Johnson has
gone? A very nicely
decorated flat with a note
reading, “I’m afraid there’s no
money — or voters — left”
pinned to the fridge, I suspect.
And so to this week’s latest unTory
party story: the culture secretary
Nadine Dorries’s announcement that
Channel 4 is to be sold to private
investors. Where to begin with how
unConservative this all is? With the
initial creation of Channel 4 in an act

Grammy For First Special Since

Sexual Misconduct Allegations” —

seemingly inventing a category

that it seems every branch of

showbusiness could do with, given

what we now know.

Indeed, although the Hollywood

Reporter’s suggestion was accidental,

I’d like to suggest it as an actual,

formal solution to showbusiness’s

continuing problem with abusive

men. Since it seems that “making

these men go away for ever” is,

mystifyingly, off the table, along

with “not giving them any awards”,

would it not make sense to

actually instigate a “sex case of

the year award” at the Oscars,

Baftas, Brits, Grammys, Golden

Globes and Emmys — so that

the entertainment world can

continue to honour the men

who are making them

sweet, sweet money, but

in a new, factually

correct category? You

could call them the

Harveys, if you wanted

to make it a bit more

cute and homely.

As awards season continues to
grind its way through winter
and spring, leaving a trail of
controversy in its wake, this
week it was the turn of the
Grammys to make what is,
essentially, a works do the
centre of a global sighing
session. While no one
slapped anyone at this
gig — good going, these
days — the Grammys
voting panel did, perhaps,
something worse: awarding
the comedian Louis CK best
comedy album, despite five
female colleagues having
previously revealed that CK had
masturbated in front of them.
Or, as the Hollywood
Reporter’s Twitter account
reported it: “Louis CK Wins

of parliament by the Thatcher

government? With the extraordinary

optics of a Tory government inserting

itself into the workings of a successful

business, completely uninvited, and

against the express wishes of the

business? With patriotic, Brexit Britain

opening up the possibility of yet

another cultural soft-power asset

being sold to foreign investors?

“This is so Channel 4 can compete

with Amazon, and Netflix,”

Dorries — the woman who,

two months ago, still thought

Channel 4 was publicly funded,

before having her arse handed

back to her by a select

committee — tweeted.

Presumably she’s still “a bit

behind” on her briefing

papers, and hasn’t

yet got to the

bits where a)

Channel 4’s

£1 billion

annual revenue is lined

up against Netflix’s long-term

debt of £16.7 billion; b) Netflix

and Amazon’s dependence on

buying vast quantities of

pre-existing content;

c) Netflix and Amazon’s

complete lack of news output

and sports coverage, and

pitiful levels of programming

for children; and — most

importantly, d) NETFLIX AND

AMAZON COSTING

VIEWERS MONEY, WHILE

CHANNEL 4 IS FREE.

Good luck convincing an

already cash-strapped

public to favour a business

model where they might

end up having to splash

another £170 a year on

something they pay

nothing for. But then —

in another bizarrely

unConservative move —

none of this is to do with the

kind of businesses and services

market forces (ie people) want.

Or at least we must presume — for

the public consultation on the future

of Channel 4 still sits, unpublished

and weirdly secret, on Dorries’s desk.

What do the public want? It seems the

public aren’t allowed to know. It’s just

all... so deeply weird.

Film

Fantastic Beasts: The

Secrets of Dumbledore

JK Rowling, with

co-screenwriter Steve

Kloves, has taken an

axe to her mediocre

Fantastic Beasts

franchise and hewn

from it all the excess

nonsense. What

remains is a muscular

story with unexpected

soul, slickly directed by

David Yates and with

Jude Law, far left,

commanding as Albus

Dumbledore. See review,

page 7. In cinemas

The hot list

Your guide to the weekend

Pop

Paul Weller

Revered by a certain

type of middle-aged

music fan as the

epitome of all things

authentic and reliable,

the eternal mod is a

restless soul, leaving

behind teenage years in

the Jam to embrace

soul with the Style

Council, before going

through everything

from rave to pastoral

folk in his solo material.

As such, these dates are

likely to focus on his

latest album, Fat Pop

(Volume 1), although

with any luck a few old

Jam favourites — That’s

Entertainment and Start!

have featured in recent

concerts — will make

it in there too. De

Montfort Hall, Leicester

(paulweller.com),

tomorrow, Sunday

Classical

To Kill a Mockingbird

The charismatic Rafe

Spall, right, commands

the stage in Aaron

Sorkin’s intelligent

rewrite of Harper Lee’s

novel set in the 1930s

Deep South. The trial

of black labourer Tom

Robinson is now very

much front and centre,

while Lee’s child

narrator, Scout, is

convincingly played by

a grown-up — as are

her pals. The gorgeous

set and the thrumming

guitar and organ music

— played live — add

no end of period

atmosphere. Gielgud

Theatre, London W1

(tokillamockingbird.

co.uk), today, tomorrow

Visual art

Inspiring Walt Disney

Here’s the ideal excuse

to watch Walt Disney

films. It won’t count

as indolence. Call it

research as you prepare

to head off for the

Wallace Collection’s

new exhibition,

Inspiring Walt Disney:

The Animation of

French Decorative Arts.

What could Walt have

to do with the Wallace?

How could Sèvres and

Cinderella, or Fragonard

and Frozen be linked?

The Wallace

Collection, London W1

(wallacecollection.org),

today, tomorrow,

Sunday

Theatre

Bach at Easter

Not since 2019 have

choral groups and

churches been able to

present full-scale

performances of Bach’s

St John or St Matthew

Passion to packed

houses. Top picks

include the Dunedin

Consort’s Matthew

Passion at St Mary’s

Cathedral, Edinburgh

(tomorrow); the

mighty Bach Choir’s

Matthew Passion with

singers including Toby

Spence, left (Royal

Festival Hall, London

SE1, Sun); and

Laurence Cummings

and the Academy of

Ancient Music’s Good

Friday performance

of the rare 1725 version

of the John Passion

(Barbican, London

EC2).

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