negative consequences when she does not conform to Hera, as well
as by positive validation if she does.
Evidence that Hera might not be solely a creation of a patriarchal
culture—a culture that devalues a woman unless she has been chosen
by a man (the more powerful the man the better)—is suggested by
a similar drive in many lesbian women. Many lesbians feel the same
urge to have a mate, the same need for fidelity, the same expectation
that fulfillment will come through her partner, and the same pressing
desire for a ritual ceremony that will provide an outer acknowledg-
ment of being paired. Most certainly, the lesbian woman who per-
sonifies Hera is not responding to cultural pressure or family expect-
ations, both of which tend to condemn the relationship rather than
support it.
CAPACITY FOR COMMITMENT
The Hera archetype provides the capacity to bond, to be loyal and
faithful, to endure and go through difficulties with a partner. When
Hera is a motivating force, a woman’s commitment is not conditional.
Once married, she means to stay so, “for better or worse.”
Without Hera, a woman may go through a series of short-lived
relationships, moving on when the inevitable difficulties arise or the
initial magic of falling in love wears off. She may never marry and
may feel quite fine about her unmarried state. Or she may go through
the motions—big church wedding and all—yet not feel connected,
in the vital, Hera way, to the man she has married.
When women marry without Hera, “Something’s missing.” These
were the exact words used by a patient of mine, a forty-five-year-
old photographer who lacked a sense of deep connection with her
husband. “I like him fine and have been a good wife,” she said, “yet
I often think living by myself would suit me better. If women flirt
with him when I’m around, he sometimes encourages them—for
my benefit, I think. He hopes I’ll get jealous and then gets upset be-
cause I don’t get upset. I suppose he suspects that he’s not essential
to me—which is true. In my bones, I’m really not a devoted wife at
all, though my behavior as a wife is beyond criticism.” Sadly for
Goddesses in Everywoman