Or she may be unable to move out of a marriage that is exceedingly
damaging to her.
The goddess Hera suffered more than any other goddess, except
Demeter (whose suffering was of a different kind). But she also
persecuted others vindictively and thus was the most destructive
of all the goddesses. As expressed by contemporary women, Hera’s
oppressiveness varies from having a judgmental attitude toward
others to behaving in an overtly destructive way.
Hera women judge other women and punish them—usually by
excluding or ostracizing them and their children—for not meeting
Hera’s standards. Such women are the social arbiters. They are espe-
cially inimical to Aphrodite. Whenever they can, they exclude attract-
ive, sensual women whom men gather around, divorced women,
and sexually active single women—all who might be attractive to
their partners and are thus threatening. But their judgmentalism
also extends toward women who are not personally threatening—for
example, they are more critical than sympathetic toward unmarried
mothers on welfare and toward rape victims. For Hera, the only
truly acceptable role is as a wife of a successful man.
Long after I began to consider myself a feminist, I discovered
within myself an unconscious Hera pattern of devaluing other wo-
men when I was at an event with my husband. The “click” of recog-
nition came when I realized that I sought out the company of couples
when I was at meetings with him, avoiding “unattached women”
whom I very much enjoyed when I was alone. When I saw this
particular Hera pattern, I was ashamed of my nonfeminist behavior.
At the same time, I was humbled to realize that I had previously felt
superior to Hera women, when in fact a negative aspect of Hera was
part of me, too. After that, I had a full choice of whom to spend time
with. And after I discovered that I had something in common with
the “Mrs. Him’s” that I’d previously put down, I also lost a judg-
mental attitude that I was well rid of.
THE MEDEA SYNDROME
The term “Medea Syndrome” aptly describes the vindictive Hera
woman who feels betrayed and discarded and who
Hera: Goddess of Marriage, Commitment Maker and Wife