Usually Demeter women have solid friendships with other De-
meter women. Many such friendships date back to when they were
new mothers together. Many rely more on their women friends than
on their husbands for emotional support, as well as for tangible help.
For example, one woman said, “When I was in the hospital, my
friend Ruth took the kids in, and had my husband Joe over every
night for dinner...for two weeks, she fed nine kids, her four and my
five, and three adults.... I’d have done the same for her.” Typically,
this woman made arrangements for help rather than expect her
husband to take care of the home and children in her absence.
Within families, mothers and daughters who are all Demeter
women may remain close for generations. These families have a
decided matriarchal cast. And the women in the family know what
is going on in the extended family, much more than the husbands
do.
This mother-daughter pattern may also be duplicated with peers.
She may take the Demeter maternal role with a Persephone-like
friend who is inexperienced and indecisive. Or, if both are Demeter
women who also share Persephone qualities, they may take turns
mothering each other, and at other times can both be Demeters,
sharing details of their lives and talking about their joys and diffi-
culties. Or, yet again, they may both be playful, giggling
Persephones.
Lesbian couples sometimes fit a Demeter-Persephone pattern, in
which a Demeter woman’s well-being depends on the intactness of
a relationship with a younger or less mature lover. As long as they
are together, the Demeter woman feels productive and fertile. Her
work and her creativity thrive as a result of being with a woman
who is like a goddess to her. She may be possessive of her
Persephone if she fears that she may lose her. And she may foster
dependence and exclusiveness, which eventually harms the relation-
ship.
However, a Persephone woman is a young, undifferentiated per-
sonality. Everything about her is unformed and indistinct. She is a
receptive, feminine woman whose sexual preference may be as
malleable as the rest of her. Even though she may be in a lesbian
relationship, for example, she may also be attracted to a man. If a
Persephone woman leaves her Demeter lover when her heterosexu-
ality emerges in response to a
Demeter: Goddess of Grain, Nurturer and Mother