shop for the item her next-door neighbor asked her to pick up; she
misses the deadline or is late for an important meeting. In this way
she drops the burdens she was expected to carry, unconsciously acts
out her hostility with noncompliant behavior, and indirectly ex-
presses her resentment and asserts her independence. It would be
far better if she could learn to say no in the first place, because
passive-aggressive behavior makes her appear incompetent and feel
guilty.
Purposefulness makes the same action significantly different. To
straightforwardly refuse to do what someone else expects you to
do, and state why, is a clear message; a passive-aggressive action is
a muddled message encoded in a hostile act. If the other person cares
about your needs, the clear statement is enough. Backing up the
statement with action is often required when the other person is
exploitive and expects to get his or her way at your expense. Zeus
did not heed Demeter until she “went on strike.”
Until Demeter refused to function as Goddess of Grain, Zeus did
not pay any attention to her suffering. When her refusal to let any-
thing grow threatened the earth with famine, he became concerned
because there would be no mortals to honor the gods if she persisted.
Only then did he heed her, and send Hermes to bring Persephone
back from the underworld. Once a Demeter woman becomes aware
of her needs (which she herself suppresses) and of her anger at
having those needs discounted by others, she can consider following
Demeter’s example. An underpaid and overworked essential em-
ployee can state her case for a deserved raise and additional help,
for example, and not be heard until she makes it clear to her boss
that she will not continue as she has been doing.
DEPRESSION: EMPTY NEST AND EMPTINESS
When a Demeter woman loses a relationship in which she has
been the maternal figure, she not only loses that relationship and
misses the person, but she also loses her mother role, which gave
her a sense of power, importance, and meaning. She is left with an
empty nest and a feeling of emptiness.
The term “empty-nest depression” describes the reaction of women
who have devoted their lives to their children only
Goddesses in Everywoman