THE “CURSE” OF LOVE
The goddess Aphrodite’s power to make others love could be
destructive. For example, she sometimes compelled a woman to love
someone who did not or could not return her love. Or she created
passion that was shameful or illicit, would lead to conflict or humi-
liation, and would eventually destroy the woman or her positive
qualities. Myrrha, Phaedra, and Medea were three mythological
women who were so cursed. As a result, they became “sick” with
love. And when Aphrodite was angry at Psyche, she planned to
have her fall in love “with the vilest of men.” The goddess was quite
aware that love could cause suffering.
Women who are unhappily bound by their love may be contem-
porary victims of Aphrodite. Some seek psychiatric help for their
misery. Two typical patterns have emerged in my practice. In the
first, the woman is in love with a man who treats her badly or who
minimizes her. She subordinates everything else in her life for the
“crumbs” of attention she occasionally gets from him. Her involve-
ment may be of short duration or may have stretched over decades.
Characteristically, she is tormented by the relationship and by her
efforts to convince herself that he really loves her, in spite of evidence
to the contrary. She is depressed and unhappy, yet highly ambivalent
about changing her situation. But to feel better she would have to
give up the destructive relationship, which has an addictive hold
on her.
The second pattern appears even more hopeless. Here the woman
is in love with a man who makes it clear that he wants nothing to
do with her. He avoids her when he can and feels cursed by her
unrequited love. Again, her obsessive involvement with him may
span years, effectively preventing the possibility of any other rela-
tionship. In pursuit of him, she may have followed him to another
city (as one of my patients did) or may have been arrested for tres-
passing or forcibly ejected from his house.
To free oneself from this curse of Aphrodite is difficult. In order
to change, the woman must see the destructiveness of this attachment
and want to let the relationship go. It takes a
Aphrodite: Goddess of Love and Beauty, Creative Woman and Lover