her husband. There was no other man, and it was a twenty-year
marriage that others idealized. As long as she only contemplated
this separation, she could hear the many competing points of view,
more or less rationally. But when she told her husband what she
was considering, and left to think things through, internal chaos
erupted. She said it felt like “having a washing machine going on
in my head” or “being in a washing machine.” Aspects of herself
were reacting with fear and alarm to what was an authentic decision,
although full of risks.
For a while she was immobilized—her ego was temporarily
overwhelmed. But rather than give up and go back, she held on to
her need to sort things out, and stayed with friends until she achieved
some clarity. Gradually her ego regained its usual position, and she
heard and considered the voices of alarm and fear. In the end, she
left her husband. And a year later, she was finally certain that it had
been the right decision.
In such a situation, it is helpful to talk to someone else about the
conflicting fears and impulses, or to write them out, in order to begin
the process of sorting out the competing issues. When a mass of
problems is broken down into separate concerns, the ego may no
longer feel overwhelmed.
“Committee chaos” is often temporary, a short lapse following
an initial chaotic reaction to something perceived as new and
threatening. The ego shortly afterward restores order. If the ego does
not restore order, however, the mental chaos can lead to a break-
down. The mind remains full of competing emotions, thoughts, and
images; it becomes impossible to think logically; and the person
stops functioning.
FAVORED AND CENSORED COMMITTEE MEMBERS:
THE BIASED CHAIR FAVORS SOME GODDESSES
AND REFUSES TO RECOGNIZE OTHERS
As chairperson, a biased ego recognizes only certain favored
committee members. It silences others who express needs, feelings,
or viewpoints that it considers unacceptable by calling them out of
order. It censors whatever it doesn’t want to look at or hear about,
so that on the surface there appears to be no conflict. “Favored
goddess status” is sometimes held by a few or even one goddess,
whose views dominate. These
Goddesses in Everywoman