FHM Australia – August 2019

94 AUGUST 2019

thebuild-uptosex,notjustbecauseit increases

thebondbetweentwopeople,butbecauseit is

especiallyimportantforwomentogetaroused–

physicallyandmentally...andwomenneedmore

timethanmeninordertobeonthesamepage

duringa sexualexperience!Unlikemen,women

generallyalsoneedmoreemotionalconnection

togetturnedon,whereasmengenerallylike

immediatestimulation.Mostwomentendto

prefera slower,morehands-onseduction,but

alsothetypeofforeplaythatstartsoutsideofthe

bedroom.Becausemenandwomenoftenhave

differentsexualneeds,focusingoneachother’s

bodiesduringforeplaycanhavepositiveeffectson

theemotionalbondthatyoushare,andenhance

thesexualexperienceforyouboth.Ittakesthe

pressureoffperformingduringsex,andshiftsthe

focustopleasure.

Theideaofforeplaythatyou’relikelyholdingis

onethatissimilartowhatwasmentionedatthe

startofthisarticle.Butforeplayshouldactually

withthemlatercouldallbeconsideredforeplay.

Whenit comestoactualtouch,somanyparts

ofthebodythatcreateintensesexualstimulation

areoftenoverlooked.Knownasourerogenous

zones,theone’swetendtogostraightforarethe

lips,neckandnipples,butweusuallyforgetabout

thebackoftheknees,hands,theinnerthighor

ourpartner’sback.Foreplayshouldtaketouch

andexploringeachothertothenextlevel,and

shouldbeslowandsensualinthebuilduptosex.

Thinksensualoreroticmassages,runninganice

cubeseductivelyoveryourpartner’sskin,orusing

a feathertolightlytickleeveryinchofthemwhile

youwatchtheirreactions.Foreplaydoesnotneed

tobea standardprocedure,a rushedevent...It

needstobeslow,sexyandseductive.Usetouchto

exploreeachother’sbodiesbeforeyouhavesex;

useit asa meansoflearningaboutyourpartner’s

bodyandtheirsensitivespots;oruseit simply

toliewithoneanotherandcaresseachother’s

bodies.Womenactuallyneedquitea fairbitmore

Redefining Foreplay

“Unlike men, women generally also need more

emotional connection to get turned on”

be conceptualized as anything that two people

experience in or outside of the bedroom. Think

about the following scenario: you’re on a date with

a woman you find incredibly sexy. Complimenting

her and subtly indicating your interest in her is a

form of foreplay. Think of it as a building block

to sexual desire and arousal. In another scenario,

if your partner has had a long day, and you offer

to give them a massage [free of the expectation

or demand of sex!], the likelihood that they will

feel appreciated and cared for by you is high,

and thus they are likely to feel more connected

and therefore more interested in being sexual at

some other time. Start focusing on foreplay as

something that two people share outside of the

bedroom, and you’ll notice that things inside the

bedroom may improve sexually! When couples

shift their focus to showing each other care,

appreciation and desire in situations where there’s

no expectation for sex to happen, it helps create

anticipation and builds excitement between you.

Knowing that your partner finds you sexy or that

you cannot wait to simply cuddle on the couch

stimulation than men do before penetration

happens! So if you’re able to work on the building

blocks for desire in and outside of the bedroom,

you may find that you and your partner both have

a much more satisfying experience.

Foreplay can take many forms. It should not

just be about what you and your partner are doing

to each other when you start to have a sexual

experience. You could also experiment with your

surroundings, with foods like strawberries and

chocolate, or with flavored lubricants, and not just

your touch. Take foreplay out of the bedroom and

let it start before you’re even together in the same

room. Foreplay should also include underwear or

outfits you might wear to impress and tease one

another, the way in which you might light candles

and dim the lights, a sexy email telling your

partner you can’t wait to see them, or even you

insisting your partner relax while you clean up the

kitchen. The latter might not seem like foreplay,

but any act that shows your partner appreciation

and care can go a long way in adding a building

block to the desire and arousal for sex.

The word foreplay usually brings to mind

sexual experiences such as touching, kissing,

stroking, caressing, teasing, getting a blow

job or going down on her, using toys, or using

your hands and fingers to excite and arouse

each other. It seems that the idea of foreplay

for most people generally revolves around

stimulating sexual acts that all happen before

sexual intercourse. And these sexual acts more

often than not focus on two or three areas of

the body: mostly our privates or breasts and

chests! What this means is that parts of your

partner’s body, or your own, are often skipped

over or rushed passed. So let’s take a look at

redefining foreplay in a way that only brings

up more excitement and arousal for sex from

both partners.

Most couples have a particular script that

they follow when they start on each individual

experience that leads into having sex: maybe

a bit of kissing, touching, a little oral sex and

then straight down to actually doing the dirty

deed. However, adequate foreplay is crucial in

Catriona Boffard

Clinical Sexologist & Psychotherapist

“I run a global practice via online consultations”

Relationships