4 Elementary School–Aged Children 93
(certainly the loss of the parent who leaves the home and the loss of the former
family constellation). Children need to develop a coherent story in order to
process their loss without being put into loyalty binds as a result of the divorc-
ing parents’ counter-narratives (Kroll, 2002). The divorce-related losses of
structure, financial well-being, and assumptive world are just as powerful for
children as for divorcing spouses, though in different ways.
Recognizing children’s needs for security and stability are key ingredi-
ents of intervention. There are few evidenced-based approaches to care for
children after divorce, but some note that programs that focus on protective
factors should be more widely implemented (Pedro-Carroll, 2005). Pedro-
Carroll (2005) suggests that support groups allow children to name their own
losses and recognize loss and misunderstandings in other children in a sup-
portive environment. Additionally, activities like newsletter construction and
“TV News programs” (or by now, You Tube videos or blogs) help children
consolidate knowledge about divorce while also creating interactions through
which they gain support and understanding.
Loss and the Military
More attention is now being given to children’s loss in the form of sepa-
ration from parents during military deployment. Parents can die during
deployment or return with physical and psychic injuries. Stephanie Surles
remarked “what we hear from military families is that they don’t want their
children treated as victims” (Hardy, 2006, p. 11), implying that children are
expected to “tough out” the separation along with the stay at home parent,
in the same way the military member “toughs out” the deployment. Others
assert that the children of military personnel are accustomed to frequent
moves, separations from parents, and leaving friends. These multiple losses,
and the fact that school-age children seem to tolerate them, may mean that
military children become a bit desensitized to their parent’s absence (Hardy,
2006). In contrast, children of National Guard members or reservists who
have not had these same toughening experiences or immersion in military
base subculture may have more difficulty coping with the parent’s absence
and return. Many reservists’ children are not in social situations where sup-
ports are built in because they do not live among other military families
(Pfefferbaum, Houston, Sherman, & Melson, 2011). Although children tend
to show resilience, schools should be attentive to such children’s needs for
support, particularly their experience of ambiguous grief during a parent’s
deployments (Pfefferbaum et al., 2011)
With many veterans of the Middle East wars returning with brain inju-
ries, there will be many ambiguous losses (Boss, 1999) where the parent is
physically present, but changed from the parent who left to serve. Ross and
DeVoe (2014), via the Strong Families home-based model, suggest how par-
ents can be assisted in reintegrating their military member back into the home
in ways that respect children’s need for engagement, adjustment, and care.
Although aimed at younger children, the elements they describe seem useful
with school-aged children as well.
