134 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
the stress of their expected biopsychosocial changes against an environmental
backdrop that is relatively predictable and safe. For the external world to be in
reality unpredictable, unsafe, and out of one’s control adds to the stress of this
developmental period.Senseless
That made no sense to me . . . (Marie)I mean, even if he did . . . it’s a word . . . Did you have to kill him? Was it that
deep? (Heather)These comments reveal how incomprehensible this loss was to each teen girl.
The degree to which the homicide of Heather’s friend was so out of propor-
tion to what was reported to have occurred leaves her bereft and bewildered.
It was thoughtless, illogical, and unnecessary. It was fatal. It was an act, the
consequences of which cannot be reversed for either her friend or the perpe-
trator of the homicide.
Marie’s statement is multilayered. These ideas, by interpretation, follow
from Marie’s statement: It made no sense that gun violence occurred at all.
It made no sense that the boy her friend was talking to was so heartless and
callous as to pull her friend into the path of the bullet, as he retreated from
harm’s way. It made no sense that her friend had to be talking to this person
at the exact moment of the drive-by shooting. It made no sense that it was her
friend, someone she knew. Her friend was an innocent. It made no sense that
bad things could happen to her friend who was a very good person.
Homicide is avoidable. It is a “human-induced” interpersonal act of vio-
lence (Barrett, 1996). Marie’s six words, “It made no sense to me,” conveys a
belief that the events in life should make sense, should have a certain order.
However, existential questions about life are also evident in the characterization
of this event as senseless. Marie and Heather realize that they can lose people for
no good reason. It is an event to which the question of “why?” has no answer. It
reflects a consideration that the world cannot be counted on to make sense any-
more, thus planting seeds of distrust, skepticism, and caution about the world.Painful
I just cried and cried and cried. (Marie)Marie’s words are powerful and poignant. They capture the emotion of the
experience, an emotion that has multiple layers. Marie’s statement reflects
the sheer devastation and grief that Marie felt about the death of her friend.
Heather becomes teary while talking about the senseless nature of the event
and her loss after 4 years, reflecting a pain that lasts.
The weight of the emotion captured in Marie’s words seems to hold other
losses. Some of these are typical for this age; some are only the result of this
experience. As an adolescent, Marie and Heather are already in the throes of
the loss of their childhood. Biologically, psychologically, and socially they are
transitioning to young adulthood. However, the words also reflect the over-
whelming tasks that mourning the loss of a friend who was murdered entail.