148 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
adults recognize the on-going nature of grief (to “avoid the illusion of an end
to grief”) and the tendency toward sudden upsurges of grief (SUGS), seem-
ingly her version of Rando’s (1993) subsequent temporary upsurges of grief
(STUG) reactions (pp. 64–77). Newton (2012) noted that in her small sample,
six of the seven women attended individual or group therapy (none of the
three men did) and she opines that this may be a gendered reflection of chang-
ing norms about the acceptability of therapy in such circumstances. She also
notes that the support at school or work (defined as acknowledgment of
the loss, expressions of concern, and flexible responsibilities) was critical in
helping emerging adults cope.
Since Edelman’s (1994) book Motherless Daughters, people have become
sensitized to how powerful that particular loss can be. For emerging adults
working on identity processes, it seems all the more powerful. Schultz (2007)
interviewed six women ages 18 to 25 and found that half of them had consid-
ered suicide and all of them identified significant ways their sense of identity
had changed as a result of their mother’s death. Most cultivated relationships
with older women who could function as maternal figures and also worked to
make themselves aware of the parts of their mother’s identity they could see in
themselves. Pearce (2011) also found that women felt their worlds and senses-
of-self interrupted by the death of their mother: Susan, one of a pair of twins
whose mother died when they were 18, reported the ambivalence with which
they experienced her death. Susan enjoyed the freedom that came with not
being monitored and told what to do, but was also discomforted by the fact
that she could not go to university and “suddenly you’re on your own that’s
it, you’ve gotta work, you’ve gotta earn, you’ve gotta support yourself. And
there are no other options” (Pearce, 2011, p. 41). Given that emerging adults
live on the frustrating verge of a fragile independence, such ambivalence may
be more prevalent than commonly reported.
The influence of culture in the experience of parental death must not
be overlooked. In an autophotographical study, bereaved, Korean emerging
adults reported more anger at the deceased parent and more need to pro-
tect the survivor from burden than do bereaved emerging adults in Western
nations. The respondents who were bereaved when still children reported a
high degree of embarrassment and shame related to the Korean stigmatization
of single parent families that extends even to the survivors of a parent’s death
(Yang, 2012). Additionally, children, especially adult children, are expected to
witness their parent’s last breath; for those who were unable to do so, extreme
regret is part of the culture of mourning (Yang, 2012). Competent support
of grievers requires exploration of the cultural norms in which the parental
relationship is embedded, including duties to parents in death and dying and
mourning expectations.
Many emerging adults are in college, where the call to support bereaved
students was sounded at least as long ago as the mid-1980s (Zinner, 1985) and
has been made consistently in the intervening years (Fajgenbaum, Chesson, &
Lanzi, 2012; Streufert, 2004). Although this is often couched within the more
recent need for such services when a campus is affected by murder/suicide,
colleges and universities should ensure the availability of grief counselors
able to provide support, education, and counseling for all bereaved students
in many circumstances, including after the death of a parent.