6 Emerging Adults 153
possibility that they may need to sacrifice for parental well-being in the future)
(Stein et al., 2011).
Certainly this loss of the sense that one can graduate from college and
move forward into a decent job and self-sustaining life is significant and likely
adds to the anxiety and malaise that characterizes the “quarter-life crisis.”
Although there is growing awareness of the economic structures that work
against emerging adults, particularly those without advanced education, this
loss nevertheless remains largely disenfranchised by the widely accepted
American myth of bountiful opportunity. As with many disenfranchised
losses, the silence and sense of self-blame that accompanies it must be exposed
to allow emerging adults to mourn their lost expectations, gain strength from
one another, and avoid blaming themselves for circumstances beyond their
control. They must also be helped to achieve productive work lives that enable
a sense of purpose and satisfying independence.
Loss of a Love
The emerging adult, like the adolescent, is involved in exploring intimate
relationships. Erikson (1980) defined the crisis of intimacy versus isolation
as the major thrust of young adult development and asserted that those who
resolve this crisis in favor of intimacy are able to experience love. More than
one third of all types of partnerships (gay, lesbian, and heterosexual) dissolve
within 2 years (Neimeyer, 1998). For some young people, the dissolution of a
relationship contributes to their growth, but for many others “the years of dat-
ing represent a seemingly endless series of exhilarating romantic connections,
broken by disappointment and occasionally devastating disconnections”
(Neimeyer, 1998, p. 23).
Some of the secondary losses from breakups are subtle, such as loss of
the self-definition provided by being in a couple. The dissolution of a relation-
ship shifts the view of self, in part because of how others react to the change.
Particularly in a world where emerging adults are viewed as having transient
dalliances and “hook-ups” rather than relationships (Katz & Schneider, 2013),
mourning this type of loss is often unacceptable or is trivialized by family
and friends with comments like “you are young and will find someone else.”
Although the Katz & Schneider study does not claim to be generalizable to
the U.S. population of emerging adults, its findings converge with literature
reported in the study which indicates that a bit more than half of emerging
adult men in their freshman year of university (64% in their study) and a bit
less than half of women (44% in their study) engage in hook-ups outside of on-
going relationships. Yet, for people in committed relationships, these relation-
ship breakups can be painful and life altering (Martin, 2002).
Social media can make breakups painfully public and even shocking
when people learn they are no longer part of a couple when the Facebook
relationship status is unilaterally changed. At times, social media use actually
provokes the breakup (Clayton, Nagurney, & Smith, 2013). Although current
emerging adults still engage in person (Rappleyea, Taylor, & Fang, 2014), most
view social media and the status of becoming “Facebook Official” as part of
dating. This said, some emerging adults do not use such technologies, usually
