158 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
When a caregiver dies, especially when the relationship with him or her
was discordant during adolescence, there is also a lost opportunity. Emerging
adulthood is often a time to reconnect and build an amicable relationship
after the tensions of adolescence. Guilt feelings may arise from holding strong
anger, not having been able to do enough, and not having done something to
prevent the death of their loved one. There may also be anxiety and fear for the
safety of other loved ones and themselves. While some of these emotions may
be expected by some emerging adults, the intensity and duration of the emo-
tions is often not anticipated, resulting in even greater confusion surrounding
the normality of their grief experience (Balk, Walker, & Baker, 2010).
Pleasant emotions can also be common responses to the death of a loved
one. Relief may be observed when the death was foreseeable, either after a
lengthy and exhausting illness, a high-risk lifestyle, or another form of an
anticipated death. Conversely, guilt often arises when the emerging adult con-
siders these and other positive emotions to be inappropriate and not a part of
the mourning process (Worden, 2009). Through the attempt to avoid all posi-
tive emotions and simultaneously defend against unpleasant emotions, there
may be a resulting state of numbness and a tendency to detach from others
(National Child Traumatic Stress Network [NCTSN], 2007).
Upon first hearing of the death, disbelief is a common cognitive response.
Preoccupation with thoughts, questions, memories, daydreams, and night-
mares surrounding the deceased and his or her death may be recurrent.
Altered perceptions and visual and/or auditory hallucinations may occur; an
emerging adult may sense the deceased loved one, seeing their face or hear-
ing their voice, resulting in an overall sensation of unreality (NCTSN, 2007). A
state of cognitive confusion about the meaning of the loss may overwhelm the
bereaved emerging adult, resulting in decreased concentration, distractibility,
and forgetfulness that may impact one’s educational, employment, and social
functions (Worden, 2009).
Behavioral symptoms may also be common, such as trouble sleeping (i.e.,
falling asleep, staying asleep, and/or early morning awakening), disturbed
appetite (manifested as over- or under-eating resulting in weight gain or weight
loss), irritability, over- and under-activity, as well as a lack of interest in usual
activities involving work, love, and play. She or he may avoid reminders of the
deceased (e.g., purposefully putting away all pictures of the deceased); in con-
trast she or he may carry objects that belonged to the deceased (e.g., wearing
clothes or a jewellery piece that remind him or her of the deceased). Emerging
adults, who naturally engage in more risky behaviors may use unhealthy behav-
iors such as using alcohol and drugs as a way to cope with their pain. Some may
engage in suicidal gestures and attempts in an effort to join the deceased loved
one. Compulsive/excessive behaviors, such as sexual promiscuity or gambling,
may also be used as an escape from grief. Overall, emerging adults’ behavior
may appear erratic and unstable, differing from their usual conduct (Pomeroy &
Garcia, 2009). On the other hand, some emerging adults may choose to honor
their loved ones by running a race on their behalf or engaging in other volunteer
work.
All of the changes in functioning above may also affect emerging adults’
ability to study and work to their full capacity. Emerging adults may find