9 Retirement and Reinvention 247
Loss of a Retirement/Reinvention Adult as Experienced by Others
Adult Children
Most adult children have some expectations of how their parents should live.
When adults divorce, remarry, or repartner, adult children have a wide range
of reactions, depending upon their own expectations. When expectations and
reality do not mesh, conflict can occur. Some adult children whose parents
have been widowed have difficulty accepting a newly married parent or one
who chooses to cohabitate (Schlossberg, 2004). Other losses for the adult child
occur when the parent moves to another part of the country to live a new life-
style that feels comfortable for the retired adult. Many adult children do not
expect their parents to move far away from them and react with surprise or
negativity when this occurs. Conflict can also emerge when parents who are
retired move closer to their adult children and disrupt routines that have been
established by the adult child who has developed a life that centers around
their friends and their own children.
In her interviews with adult children, Schlossberg (2004) found that
children viewed their parents’ retirement with trepidation. Adult children
expressed worry about the cost of health care consuming their parents’ income
and savings. Others felt rejected by their parents’ involvement with retirement
activities because parents were not as available on a regular basis. In addition,
adults who are in the process of reinvention and very busy with their lives
may not be as available to babysit for their grandchildren. Unresolved issues
that were in the background when parents were working may come to the
foreground when parents retire (Schlossberg, 2004). It may be important for
adult children and their parents to have open discussions about mutual expec-
tations during and following this transition period.
Parents
During this phase, adults may also be less available to their aging parents for
whom life has probably drastically changed. Parents can experience a sense
of rejection at this phase as they lived in an era when they, as adult children,
probably cared for their aging and/or ill parents. These parents may not
understand this new age of reinvention when the adult is engrossed in a major
transition, often involving new activities, pursuing their passion, and/or new
work. Because parents have not provided a model for adults in this reinven-
tion phase, there may be a sense of disconnection between the generations.
Parents of adults in this phase were among the cohort for whom retirement
meant just that—leaving more time and energy for family. The older parents
may feel bereft as the adult is expending energy toward new endeavors and
often ignoring them. Again, discussions of expectations as well as hopes and
fears for this time will benefit both parties as they refrain from having unreal-
istic expectations.
