10 Older Adults 267to complicated grief when it is prolonged and consistent rather than fluidly
dynamic (that is, when no positive emotions, memories, or skill building are
part of it).
Bennett, Gibbons, and Mackenzie-Smith (2010) amplify this notion. They
found that bereaved older adult partners who were adjusting well to their loss
reported stressors of new roles/identities/relationships and intrusion of grief
significantly more often. Those adjusting less well-reported frequent stress-
ors of denial/avoidance of restoration changes, and distraction/avoidance of
grief. They note that a behavior that starts in one way (e.g., attending an activ-
ity to avoid grief) may evolve (e.g., developing new roles and relationships) to
be more productive in managing grief over time.
In a recent survey of therapists who are aging, Michael King suggested
that gay and lesbian individuals who had marriages or long-term partnerships
may exhibit more resilience after having had to fight battles and make adjust-
ments throughout life. Dr. King explains that “You get older, you get bolder,
and not so embarrassed by things” (Jackson, 2013, p.12) and he believes living
through the death of many friends helped him lose a fear of death. It may be
that older adults who have had challenges to overcome are better prepared to
take on the challenges and adjustments that come with aging.
However, older gay and lesbian adults grew up in an era when ageism,
homophobia, and discrimination were customary. Homosexuality was illegal
in some places (Fenge & Fannin, 2009). Loss of a partner is therefore compli-
cated by this generational experience. While they are ageing and experiencing
the death of friends and family in the same ways as the ageing heterosexual
population, they may resist approaching agencies for support due to concerns
associated with coming out and discrimination (Fenge & Fannin, 2009). One
bereaved gay partner reports how difficult partner loss can be in a heterosexist
world:
What it does is it puts something else on the table, which actually isn’t
my agenda at the time... it puts homosexuality on the table, when
actually all that I care about is the fact that my partner’s died and I’m
hurting.... I would have preferred to have been with other gay people
(Fenge & Fannin, 2009).The remarks of this bereaved partner make it clear that although bereaved
gay and lesbian partners experience the same pain as heterosexual partners,
they may not feel validated by the heterosexual population and find it difficult
to find bereavement support services directed to their needs. In addition, as
gay and lesbian adults age, there are fewer social networks available to them,
as gay clubs and other social venues tend to cater to younger generations.
Death of an Adult Child
As longevity continues to increase, many older adults in our society will
experience the death of an adult child. Although there is a growing literature
(Robinson & Marwit, 2006; Woodgate, 2006) about the loss of a child when a
couple is in early or middle adulthood, there is little research about the loss
of a child in older adulthood. A recent review of the literature about aging
parents who experience an adult child’s death observes that as a child grows