268 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
older, the parental relationship with that adult child changes to one of sharing
mutual interests and companionship rather than one of protection and physi-
cal caretaking (Van Humbeeck et al., 2013), meaning that the relationships are
more egalitarian and involve a “distant closeness.” Research (Van Humbeeck
et al., 2013; Woodgate, 2006) on bereaved middle-aged and older adult par-
ents converges on the difficulty of living in a world without “closure” and
parents’ work to retain the image of themselves as parents while also keep-
ing memories of their child alive. Older adults expected to die before their
child and wonder “Why her and not me?” and may suffer greater survivor’s
guilt than younger parents who lose a younger child (Corr et al., 2006; Van
Humbeeck et al., 2013). Older adults often experience cumulative losses, as
the adult child may be an additional loss after those of health, friends, and
spouses.
Due to the fundamentally different life stage and developmental tasks,
the older adult experiences grief in a different way than young or middle-aged
parents. First, older adults have fewer opportunities to invest in other relation-
ships after the loss of their adult child. They experience less social support
because of a shrinking social network. Second, since adult children are often
caregivers for their parents, the loss increases the possibility of their admission
to a nursing home. Third, older adult parents often get less support because
they have more difficulty actively searching for it and/or because their griev-
ing is less likely to be recognized by others (Van Humbeeck et al., 2013). The
impact of the loss of an adult child at this stage of life is frequently underesti-
mated, and older adult parents are rarely involved in rituals such as arranging
the funeral, which makes it more difficult for them to process their loss (Van
Humbeeck et al., 2013).
An additional (secondary) loss is that they may lose contact with their
grandchildren, especially if they have a strained relationship with their
child’s partner or if their child’s partner remarries. These conditions place the
older adult at high risk for complicated mourning and disenfranchised grief.
Further, it is typically and incorrectly expected that their experience has bet-
ter prepared older individuals for the death of a loved one (Van Humbeeck
et al., 2013).
The death of an adult child may increase older adults’ concerns about
their future (Who is going to take care of me now?) and parents may feel they
have lost part of themselves. This loss may make life seem hopeless and des-
perate; common questions are “What should I do with my life now?” ”What
is the value of my life?” and “What has life to offer me?” (Van Humbeeck,
2013, p. 592). For some older adults, the adult child’s death may provoke
longing for one’s own death, both as an end to suffering and a reunion with
the deceased child (Van Humbeeck et al., 2013). Practitioners need to be
aware of the risk for suicide in this bereaved older adult population. Studies
(Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg, & Song, 2013; Parkes & Prigerson, 2010) of midlife
and older adult parents who have lost an adult child confirm that the ability
to find and maintain a sense of meaning in life is closely associated with
a higher level of adaptation. Thus, to reduce the risk of complicated grief
and/or suicide, intervention with older adults who have lost an adult child
involves validating the loss and helping the bereaved to find meaning and
purpose.