Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan, Second Edition

2 Perinatal Attachment and Loss 51

through forgiveness of one’s flaws, and those of professionals or loved ones

who attended the birth, can foster a postgrief growth and peace with the expe-

rience of loss. Postloss growth may also transfer into offering support to other

women seen as “sisters in loss/scars.”

Discussion of Optimal Social Supports that Enable Coping

with this Loss

As Mehl-Madrona states: “No one heals without community” (2010, p. 10).

Because every individual birth story and grief narrative is part of the collec-

tive narrative of birth and grief (England, 2011; Mehl-Madrona, 2010), every

woman needs to be held by their “tribe” while reconciling with their birth

experience. Peer support groups can be very helpful in meeting the need to be

witnessed in their grief and belong to a group of women who “walked on the

same path.”

Another important piece in social support is including the family in

treatment by providing psycho-education and even marriage counseling if

needed to facilitate communication. It is important to assure emotional sup-

port from friends and family so the woman does not isolate herself in silence.

Empowering women to advocate for respectful treatment by others is an

important part of self-growth and self-affirmation.

My Septuplets

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is the middle name of a mother who experienced infertility, a multiple preg-

nancy with seven embryos, a multiple pregnancy with twins, and a singleton birth.

Due to the nature of her story and the continued stigmatization of pregnancy termina-

tion, she has elected to use a pseudonym.

In April 2007, I headed to my follow-up ultrasound appointment at my

reproductive endocrinologist (RE) after having completed injectable fertility

medications and artificial insemination for the first time. Rey and I were very

excited. I finally had a positive pregnancy test and my numbers were looking

good. Our excitement was tempered with nerves. We had been trying to get

pregnant for a year and had completed 3 months of Clomid attempts prior to

the injectable meds. We were getting used to the ups and downs of fertility

problems. Every month we would do exactly as our RE recommended, we

would get excited about the prospect of being pregnant, and then I would

get my period, and the sadness and frustration would set in. This time was

different though. Something had worked! I was finally pregnant. I knew my

numbers were a little high, so we speculated about whether I was pregnant

with twins. I walked into the ultrasound room, and by this point I was well

versed in the ultrasound protocol. Rey came in with me for this appointment.

The ultrasound began and I could tell the tech was quieter than usual. I imme-

diately asked if there was a problem. He began reading the ultrasound to his