PHOTO: ROBERTO NICKSON/UNSPLASHLearning
to Be
Loved in
Tulum
70
july 2019yogajournal.com.auI went to Mexico to rejuvenate, detox, and practice
yoga with my boyfriend. Turns out, it would also
be where I faced my fears about marriage.
By Gina Tomaine
IT WAS A HUMID SUNRISE ON A QUIET,
sandy beach in Tulum, Mexico. Despite
our previous late-night mezcal tasting
beneath the jungle leaves, my long-time
boyfriend, Anush, had dragged me out
of our tiny thatched-roof cabana at first
light.
I adjusted my Beyoncé t-shirt and
grey cotton shorts I’d worn to bed as I
scanned the horizon. When I turned
back to Anush, he was kneeling in the
sand, holding a typed love letter and a
tourmaline engagement ring.
“Will you marry me?” He asked.
I was so incredulous, I couldn’t
speak. Feelings of doubt and darkness
coursed through me, even though I’d
always imagined a future with him: he
was the one person who made me feel
seen and cared for and uplifted. Still, I
was reluctant to commit.My parents went through a dramatic
and corrosive divorce when I was 13, but
the fallout had lasted long after. Most of
the great pain in my life has come from
marriage—and its ending. Marriage is
the thing that has made me most likely
to run, and least likely to trust.
As I stared at the man I love, these
past traumas lit my body from head to
toe with alarm bells. How could I marry
anyone? But, as I looked at him, I
calmed myself down. I silently told
myself something I had learned in my
yoga and mindfulness practice: be here
now. With that mantra, I slowly came
back to the moment. With that mantra,
I reminded myself where I was, who I
was with—and most importantly, who I
am now.
He waited patiently. I started to cry.
Finally, I said, “Yes! Yes. Yes. Of course,