JUNE 8 2019 LISTENER 71
G
od created heaven and earth
in a week, apparently, so it’s
unsurprising a clutch of
political parties in the
Christian/conservative arena have
erupted in about the same time-
frame. As PR guy Thomas Pryor
put it on Three’s Newshub Nation,
“You wait for a bus and there’s
none for ages and then three
come at once.” There was the
annunciation by the man often
referred to as “self-appointed
bishop Brian Tamaki”. Our lady of
Destiny, his wife, Hannah Tamaki,
was to lead a new party called,
pointedly, Coalition New Zealand.
Well, everyone needs a coalition
partner these days. National MP
Alfred Ngaro was then “consider-
ing” a new Christian party. And
there’s still the post-Colin Craig
New Conservative Party.
The Tamakis tend to suck up
the oxygen, noted Pryor. His
observation provoked a punishing
resurrection of the bus metaphor.
Host Simon Shepherd, of Ngaro: “He’s
missed the faith-based bus.” Pryor: “I
think he jumped on the wrong bus.”
In biblical terms, it sounded a bit like
the Four Horsemen of the Apoca-
lypse, if there were only three and
they had opted for public transport.
The Tamakis summoned the press
to a date with Destiny in Manu-
kau, where the announcement was
overseen by a distracting array of
stuffed dead animals. Some of theWhere there’s a
Christian party,
there’s faith, hope
and Tamakis.
Destiny mostly unknown
The Tamakis’
announcement
was overseen
by a distractingarray of stuffed
dead animals.press didn’t seem impressed. Seven Sharp’s Jeremy
Wells addressed his first question to “apostle Bishop
Brian, peace be upon you”. Hannah thanked her
husband for his support and he made a punish-
ingly roguish reference to some expected pay-off.
The launch was light on policy. “We’re not going
to talk about policies today,” explained Hannah.
“We’re going to formulate them.” The couple’s pre-
vious form for failed political initiatives was raised.
“Just imagine if Colonel Sanders gave up the firsttime he wanted funding for that recipe,” she said.
“We would not have tasted that succulent chicken.
So, let’s just think about this.” Amen.
These are people of faith who are very certain
about many things. Ngaro blithely declared, “Has
any woman actually ever been made to feel like a
criminal? Absolutely not.” As NZ First MP Tracey
Martin told 1 News, “I think he hasn’t stood
outside an abortion clinic, then, where people are
screaming ‘Murderer, murderer ...’” Newshub’s
Jenna Lynch did fine work, including on Ngaro’s
apology for sharing a post that called abortion a“holocaust”. “While Alfred Ngaro
back-pedalled, his leader, Simon
Bridges, wouldn’t call him out,” she
reported. “I wouldn’t have done it,”
said Bridges, “but I wouldn’t go so far
as to say it was wrong.”
Ngaro would say only that he was
considering a new party. Newshub
Nation’s Shepherd wondered if
National had asked him to consider
this move. “The long answer is
no,” said Ngaro. “That’s the short
answer,” said Shepherd. Ngaro’s
since said he’ll stay with National.M
eanwhile, there was the
chance to see Lisa Owen
lose the will to live trying
to interview Hannah Tamaki on
RNZ’s Checkpoint.
How many members had Coali-
tion NZ signed up? Tamaki: “Not
telling, hahahaha.” Owen: “One,
two, three people?” Tamaki: “Not
telling. Not telling, hahahaha-
haha ... You’re funny!” Owen
(wearily): “Who is your core
supporter?” Tamaki: “Tall, dark,
handsome. Gives good kisses.”
After going round the houses
about whether being gay is a sin –
“I might be sinning if I lie to you,
Lisa. I might be sinning if I beat
my husband” – Owen managed
to pin her down: “Yes, in my
perspective, I would see it that way,
as much as somebody that beat their
wife.”
As political interviews go, this was
up there with Craig taking off his kit
in a sauna with journalist David Far-
rier and John Key admitting on Radio
Hauraki to peeing in the shower. God
help us if US news satirist John Oliver,
a dogged aficionado of Kiwi oddity,
gets hold of this. In fact, even if he
doesn’t, God help us all. lDIANA
WICHTEL
TV REVIEW
Hannah and Brian
Tamaki: a launch
light on policy.G
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