2019-03-01ReadersDigest_AUNZ

March• 2019 | 95

READER’S DIGEST

If you’re giving someone feedback,
for example, first ask them if they have
their own ideas about where problems
lie. “This is especially pertinent if you
have power over the person, such as
in a parent-child or boss- employee
relationship,” points out Ric Phillips,
president of 3V Communications, a
coaching and training firm. “If you just
unilaterally tell them your own assess-
ment, they could feel like they have to
pretend to agree with you.”
Pay close attention to non-
verbal cues. Reading body language
isn’t an exact science, so a particular
gesture doesn’t always have the same
meaning. That said, we can make
educated guesses, and we’ve been
hardwired by evolution to pick up on
someone’s discomfort. “It could be in
the body, the face or the voice,” says
Phillips. “Your natural instinct is a
pretty good warning system.”
If something seems off, ask about it,
suggests Peters. “You could say, ‘Hey, I
noticed a little shift in the atmos phere
of our conversation. What do you
think about what I’ve been saying?
Is something not landing right with
you?’” This way you’ll see if you’ve
been misunderstood, if the other
person has an opinion they’re hesitant
to share or if you’ve accidentally hurt
their feelings. Noticing unhappiness
in real time lets you address issues
right away, before they fester.
Take turns. Sometimes it’s
perfectly fine for one person to do
most of the talking in a lecture,

ACTIVE LISTENING

EXPLAINED

When people feel truly heard,

they are more likely to return

that favour, think highly of

you, entertain your points of

view and co operate with you.

Seems easy enough, but active

listening requires effort:

1 Stay in the moment. Focus

fully on what the speaker

is saying, both verbally and

physically. If your mind wanders,

snap back as soon as you notice.

Most import antly, don’t assume

you know where the other person

is going: be open to hearing

something you may not have

expected.

2 Demonstrate to the speaker

that you’re listening. You can

do this by making eye contact,

nodding, inserting short acknow-

ledgements such as ‘Uh-huh’

or ‘Yeah’, paraphrasing their

comments or asking questions.

It’s true that some of these signals

can be fudged, but watch out:

many speakers can sense the

difference between an active

listener and a pseudo-listener.