96 | March• 2019
TALK THE TALK
interview or counselling session, for
instance. But in a conversation, the
ratio should be more or less even.
Brain imaging shows that talking
about yourself tends to activate the
dopamine- reward system. So that
everyone gets that same pleasure, fight
the urge to indulge in conversational
narcissism, and give some attention
back. Responses that shift the topic to
yourself (for example, “I just bought
a house, too! I plan to renovate it.”)
should be balanced by replies that
show interest in others (such as,
“Congratulations. What neighbour-
hood is your new house in?”)HOW TO TALK TO...SOMEONE WITH A
DIFFERENT NATIVE
LANGUAGE: If
you’re shaky in the
language you’re
using, “take heart
in knowing that the
non-verbal aspects
of communication,
such as gestures and
pitch, trump words
every time – at least
in terms of emotional
impact,” says
communication-skills
coach Ric Phillips.
When conversing in
your mother tongue
with a non-native
speaker, practise
active listening.
Speaking slowly
may help them to
understand you, but
resist the instinct to
raise your volume.
It won’t help and
could even make you
seem impatient or
aggressive.SOMEONE WITH
DEMENTIA: Never
stop reaching out to
a person living with
dementia, no matter
how advanced the
disease. As their
ability to understand
what’s happening
around them becomes
impaired, you might
be tempted to correct
their perceptions.
“That’s generally not
helpful; it will lead
to arguing and you’re
unlikely to change
their mind,” says Mary
Schulz, education
director for the
Alzheimer Society
of Canada. “Instead,
respond to the feeling
they’re conveying.”
For instance, if they’re
anxious because they
think they’re going to
miss a train, reassure
them that everything
is all right.When dementia
removes someone’s
ability to speak and
understand speech,
they still need human
connection. Try
holding hands, giving
them an affectionate
smile, speaking in
a soothing tone of
voice or singing softly.
SOMEONE WHO
IS GRIEVING: The
main pitfall is making
assumptions. Unless
the bereaved person
tells you, don’t assume
you know how they
feel or that they hold
a particular view of
death and the afterlife.
Start with what
you know; you are
sorry for their loss
and you care about
them. If you knew
the deceased person,
share a nice memory
of them or express
that you miss them.