TORMENTED?
DRIVEN WITLESS?
FEAR NOT,
HELP IS JUST
A SHORT
LETTER AWAYHAND GRENADE
I have a crush on my best friend’s man.
I’ve tried to behave myself, but one night
the three of us got drunk at a charity
event and my friend’s boyfriend insisted
I stay the night with them. Not only did
we all sleep in the same bed, he initiated
some “handcraft”, which I then stupidly
followed. Did I mention my best friend
was in the same bed?
This situation has been repeated
many times and I don’t know how to
stop it! How do I redirect my relationship
with him before it’s too late? I am aware
he is a complete asshole.- CONSUMED WITH GUILT
Miss Guilty:For 25 years, Aunty Eeee
has been filling the very air with
a hurricane of tender-hearted, godlike
mercy. But I have a few words for you,
my darling: Get the hell out of that bed!
If you don’t, Aunty will commence some
“handcraft” upside your head! Stop
blubbering about “redirecting your
relationship” with the man; show your
friend the respect she deserves, tell her
everything, and let her decide what to
do with him.
But this can’t have happened that
“many times” without her knowing, can
it? Either way, do not expect that your
friend will forgive you. Instead, draw up
a list of your personal standards, take
control of your moral life and end this
squalid little bed game.FUTURE PERFECT?
I am 30. At 13, I fell in love from afar with
an extremely handsome man. He is
successful, good-natured, funny, rich, kind
and so successful he’s almost a celebrity.
I’ve never met him, but trust me: I love him.- HOW DO I MEET MR PERFECT?
Conquer, my kumquat:My inbox is filled
with long letters from women who live with
guys who are perfect. And 99.99 per cent
of my correspondents are sick of them!
Get a real chap with some flaws. They are
less dipshitty.
WORKING GIRL
My boss hates me! I just can’t please
her. She favours the men in the office.
When they do something wrong, she
says nothing. If I make the slightest
mistake, she storms around and
reprimands me. She says I don’t follow
directions but I think she misconstrues
my initiative as insubordination. Does
she hate me so much that, despite the
time and effort I’ve been putting in, she
will hinder my chances for promotion?- ENTRY LEVEL FOREVER?
Entry, my eaglet:Of course your boss
hates you. Depending on the hour, the
day and the situation, your boss hates
everyone on her staff, in her department,
in her building and in her city who dares
thwart her rise to the top.
Here’s your plan:
- Don’t flatter. Don’t cajole. And for
gawd sakes, don’t be inventive. Follow
ask
e jean
ADVICEher instructions and finish your assignments
in a smart, swift manner that makes her
look good.- Tell her superiors that she is a very
passionate, wily leader.(And if you don’t
let management know this in such a way
that it gets back to her, you are not the
woman I take you for.)
PS:Read Robin Green’s bad-arse book
The Only Girl:My Life And Time On The
Masthead Of Rolling Stone. It’s chock-full
of excellent advice!
MUMMY DEAREST
My mother, who I adore, can’t hold a job
and is a totally charming freeloader. For as
long as I can remember, it’s always been
just the two of us, but now she has a male
“friend” who has no job, no money and no
car – and is 26. (PS: I am 26.) My mother
and I share an apartment. I don’t make
a huge salary, but I keep us afloat. What
gets me is that this male “friend” stays at our
apartment for free, eats free and drives our
cars free. She’s blind to this man! E. Jean!
I’m tried! Please help!- TOO NICE
Miss Too, darling:The kindest thing you
can do is force your mother – a magnificent
woman I deeply respect for getting away
with this BS all these years – to stand on
her own two feet. She’ll hate it, but it will
help her plan for the future. As for her
choice in men? That we can’t control. So:
move to a chic studio apartment of your
own, let your mother stay put and help her
with the rent for the first few months. Then
cease. Your new life is gonna be fabulous!
Ask a question:tweet @ejeancarroll
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