People Australia - June 11, 2018

45

barmaid and said, “When that cunt wakes
up, you can tell him THAT was a fucking
shovel from Bunnings.”
Leanne, Qld

Hell hath no fury
SATAN appeared in a packed church one
morning. Everyone screamed and ran for
the exits except for one old bloke who
calmly remained seated.
Pissed off at the geezer’s lack of reaction,
Satan marched up to him and snarled,
“Don’t you know who I am?”
“Yep, sure do,” said the old bloke.
“Don’t you realise I could kill you with
a snap of my fingers?” said Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute.”
“I could cause you to spend eternity
in horrifying agony,” roared Satan.
“Sure,” said the bloke with a shrug.
“Well then, why aren’t you afraid of me?”
Satan demanded.
The old bloke replied, “I’ve been married
to your sister for 40 years.”
Orlando, SA

Dream job
AN UNEMPLOYED guy went into a job centre
in Brisbane and saw a card advertising for
a gynaecologist’s assistant.
“Can you tell me about this?” he asked.
“Sure,” said the centre manager. “The job
entails you prepping the patients by washing
their fannies, shaving their pubes and rubbing
medicinal creams into their vaginas.”
“Wow! That sounds just the ticket,” said
the bloke. “How do I apply?”
“You’re going to have to go to Darwin for
this job, I’m afraid,” said the manager.
“Why’s that?” he asked.
The manager smiled, “That’s were the
end of the queue starts.”
PO, Vic

Friends like this
A GRIM-LOOKING bloke went into a bar and
ordered a triple scotch. The barman served
it, but added, “That’s a heavy drink, mate.
Is everything alright?”
After downing the scotch in one gulp, the
bloke said, “Nah, I got home and found my
wife in bed with my best friend.”
“That’s terrible,” said the barman. “What
did you do?”
“I told my wife we were through and that
she should pack her bags and get out.”
“Good on ya,” said the barman. “What
did you say to your best friend?”
“I looked at him and yelled, ‘Bad dog!’”
NK, Vic

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Hang on – fire’s HOT?

Guess who owned the bong...

Pro tip: always peel your cheeseburger before eating it.

This bloke is never tackling sushi

again.

Another successful Bunnings trip!