delicious UK – April 2018

1

DON’TTURNUPONTIME

Thisistheactofamonster.Theonly

peopleworsethanthosewhoarrivebang

on time are those who arrive early, when

you’re still in your pinny and haven’t had

time to soften your more frazzled edges

with your first cocktail. For the very best

in civilised behaviour, arrive 10 to 15

minutes after the appointed time.

2

BRINGWINEIFYOUMUST

It’snowhighlyacceptable,nottosay

fashionable, to bring craft beer or cider

instead.Youlookterriblycutting edge and

noonehastodrinkit.

3

DON’T TAKE FLOWERS

Becauserattlingoutdinnerforeight

isn’tstressfulenough,let’saddhavingto

findasuitablevasetothisevilgameof

partyperil.Sendflowersafterwardsor

takealongapotplant.Nocactithough

–theremaybepricksatthetableasitis.

4

KEEP YOUR DIET TO YOURSELF

If you’re vegan, vegetarian or have

adeadlyfoodallergy,ofcourseyoushould

letyourhostknowbeforehand.However,

ifyou’rejustoffdairythisweek,flirting

withgluten-freeordrearilycarb-phobic,

do keep it to yourself, there’s a love.

There’s honestly nothing more boring

than the pick-and-mix culinary

peccadillos of others.

5

DO TALK POLITICS

AND RELIGION

It’s so prissy to skirt around the interesting

stuffinfavourof–what?Housepricesand

illnesses?Doalsowatchoutforterminal

eyeglazeoveritis when boasting about

your kids to anyone who is not a relative.

6

DON’T HELP

Ofcourse,dooffer,butnotwithany

real intent. Unless invited, don’t start

clearing tables or washing up. It’s your job

asaguesttositthereand be absolutely

fascinating, damn it.

7

DO ACCEPT THAT LAST DRINK

IfI’mpouringthehardstuff,orthat

weirddigestifIdraggedbackfrommy

hols,it’sbecauseIwantyoutostay.If

Isuggestteaorcoffee,Iammentally

calling you a cab. Please don’t expect me

to actually make the tea or coffee.

8

KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE

Mr Blaikie speaks perfect sense when

he says weeknight dinners should be over

by 10.30pm. We aren’t 20 any more and

beingin(yourown)bedbymidnightis

one of the cornerstones of civilised life.

The new

DI N N E R PA RT Y

RU LES

Thedayswhenadinnerpartymeantblackties,bestsilvercutleryandpassingthe

portarelonggone.Thesedaysgatheringsaroundthetablearealotmorelaid-back.

Thatdoesn’tmeananythinggoes,though,saysfoodwriterandveterandinner

party-thrower Debora Robertson. Here’s how to avoid a contemporary faux pas

ILLUSTRATION: CARMEN JOHNSON

H

ow straightforward it was back
intheday,whenallyouneeded
to do was put on your best suit
or frock, spend the first half of the
evening speaking to the person on your
right, the second half to the person on
yourleft,jumpintoacabbymidnight,
scribbleathankyounotethenextday,
andweallgotoutoftherealive.
Things have changed. Our newly
casualwayoflivingmeanswehardly
know when we’ve strayed over some
mysterious line on the sisal matting. In
thatbastionofproprietyThe Lady
magazine,modernmannersexpert
ThomasBlaikierecentlysetoutthenew
dinner party rules, which included
departingby10.30pmonaweeknight,
(11.15pm at weekends), never turning
up with wine that costs less than a
tenner and, if you’re the host, never
servingupaplatedstarter.
Personally, I’ve thrown so many
dinner parties my dishwasher should
bereceivingsomesortofawardforits
contribution to community relations.
Here,then,aremydispatchesfromthe
dinner party front, to ensure hosts and
guests stay happy.

HOW TO BE A GOOD GUEST IN 2018