The Sunday Times Magazine - UK (2022-05-08)

into a Brummie petrol station in
a Ferrari and I guarantee the
chap at the next pump won’t be
able to hold back. “Bet you don’t
get many miles to the gallon
out of that,” he’ll say in his
funny Jasper Carrott accent.
Or, “I bet that costs a pretty
penny to insure.”
I once pulled into a King’s
Heath filling station in a
Lamborghini I’d just bought.
And a man came out of the
cashier’s booth to tell me that
he could get more shopping in
the boot of his Maestro. “Oh
no, you’re right, mate. What was
I thinking?”
Anyway, let’s get back to the
little Alpine and the problems
of reviewing it. Deep down
I wanted to. I thought it was an
interesting little car. And
I support the Alpine Formula
One team because it’s based
very close to Chipping Norton,
where I live. But James May had
one, so I couldn’t.
And then along came some
good news: they’ve just
launched a faster version
called the A110 S. And James
May does not have one of
those. So I could review it with
gay abandon.
What I didn’t like straight
away was the mid-engined
layout. When I was younger and
more stupid I had a Ferrari and
a Lamborghini and a Ford GT
because I thought that by
placing the engine in the
middle of the car, which gives
a better weight distribution,
it would be faster through
the corners.
This is probably so, but on
the road the tiny handling
advantages, which you can
barely feel, are completely
outweighed by the day-to-day
disadvantages. The boot will be
smaller than it is in a Maestro,
and because it’s at the front
you’ll get dirty hands every time
you open it. And you’ll only get
two seats. Plus, and most
important, mid-engined cars
always make the driver look like
a cock end.
However, this is less of an
issue with the Alpine because
it’s so tiny. It’s not even as long
as the old Ferrari Dino. Which
means it’s not threatening.
This is most definitely not a
plonker’s car. The young men
of Abu Dhabi will not be going
around Harrods till three in

pokery that meant it was grippy

and comfortable at the same

time. I don’t know about that,

but the S is. I’m told it’s more

harsh, more focused than the

standard car, but not once was

I even remotely uncomfortable,

or nervous, apart from when I

had to try and see over a clump

of dandelions at a road junction.

It’s not just shorter than the old

Dino. It’s lower too. It’s lower

than grass. And lighter.

Inside, it’s nicely judged for

the most part. Except for the

fact that if you want to pull the

knob that raises the window,

you’re likely to come to a very

sudden halt as it’s easy to pull

the handbrake knob by mistake.

And you will want to raise the

window, because when it’s

down it doesn’t half strum.

These are small things,

though, in an otherwise pretty

little lake of tart goodness. And

best of all there’s nothing else

on the market that is quite like

it. The baby Porsche is a bit too

serious and the Audi TT is a bit

too not serious.

The only problem is that if I

wanted a sports car, I’d really

want a convertible. That’s kind

of the point. So if I was going to

buy an Alpine, I’d probably get

a Mazda MX5 instead because

it pulls off the same trick, only

for a lot less money and with

93 million miles of headroom.

That’s what I shall say to

James May when I next see him.

That his car is nearly as good as

a Mazda MX5 n

Engine

1798cc, 4 cylinders,

turbo, petrol

Power

296bhp @ 6300rpm

Torque

251 lb ft @ 2400rpm

Acceleration

0-62mph: 4.2sec

Top speed

161mph

Fuel / CO 2

41.5mpg / 153g/km

Weight

1,109kg

Price

£60,040

Release date

On sale now

Jeremy’s rating

The Clarksometer

Alpine A110 S 1.8 turbo

1,252mm

4,180mm 1,798mm

the morning in one of these,

that’s for sure.

The exhaust from the titchy

1.8-litre turbo engine makes

a delightful, gravelly rasp when

you set off and it’s a sound

that puts a smile on your face.

So you keep your foot in it,

all the way to the red line in

second and third, and yes,

even fourth, and then you look

down and you’re only doing

47mph. This may be the 296bhp

S version but it is emphatically

not a fast car. I can see why

Price

Power

0-62mph

Top speed

Head

to head

Alpine A110 S

v Porsche 718

Cayman Coupé

£60,040

296bhp

4.2sec

161mph

£46,540

296bhp

4.9sec

170mph

Some cars come at you like a

game of rugby. This is like having

your back tickled by a ballerina

James May was drawn to it.

Speed, however, is not the

point. It’s the feel. Some cars

come at you like a game of

rugby. This is like having your

back tickled by a ballerina. It’s

tight and sharp and dreamy.

It’s not a supercar at all. It’s a

sports car through and through,

and on a sunny day in the

Cotswolds, where I once got it

up to 53mph, I loved it.

I’m told that one of the best

things about the standard car

was some clever chassis jiggery

The Sunday Times Magazine • 51