4 MAY8, 2022
Oneofthe thingsIrespectmostaboutGrannyis her ability
to get up and move.She left her family’sfarm,like manyBlack
folksduringthe GreatMigration,for alife unencumberedby
the hostilitiesof beingayoungBlackwomanin Mississippi
duringJim Crow.She has lived,at variouspoints,in Tennessee,
NorthCarolina,SouthCarolinaand then,finally,Virginia.
Iwant to set downrootsin aplace wherethe possibilitiesfor
creatingafamilyof my own excitesme. Ifinallymadethe
decisionthat IwouldmoveawayfromRichmond,aplace Ilove
and will alwaysbe home,but its familiarityleavesme feeling
stunted.Aftermuchconsiderationand too manyspreadsheets,
I’ve decidedto headsouthto NorthCarolina.
WhenItold Grannymy plansto moveshe was not afan. Her
initialstancewas,Whywouldyou leave?Imiscalculatedhow
muchwe had becomeembeddedin eachother’sdailylives.
Bringingher aroundto my decisionmeanthavingthis
conversationover and over again.Ilet herknow that Ilove her,
and will still be therefor her, just in adifferentway.Ialso had
to reconcilethat leavingwas not anecessity,but something that
Ineededto do for myself,outsideof beingdutifulto my family.
Eventuallyshe warmedto the idea,asking,“Whenare you going
to NorthCarolina?” everytimewe talk. Nowshe’lltalkbad
aboutme if Idon’t followthroughon my word.
On top of givingme sass,she oftenasks me, “Whenare you
gonnahavethat babygirl?”WhenIrespond, “Whyagirl?” Her
replyis equallysweetand heartbreaking.“So she can take care
of you whenyou get old, like you take care of me.”Terryn Hall is awriter inRichmond.makingme realizehow muchIwant to startafamilyof my own.
Before,havingchildrenwas an abstraction,somethingIwould
get to eventually.At 37, Iamnot partnered,and don’t
necessarilyneedto be to startafamily.But it requiresIlet go of
motherhoodin the way I’d envisionedit —anuclearfamilywith
ahusband,2.5 biologicalkids,ahousewithawhite picketfence
—and expandmy definition.Rightnow,Iknow Iwant kids and
Iwant to raisethemin communitywithfolkswho will love
themand me, and help us flourish.
As aBlack woman,Ialso wrestlewithwhatBlack
motherhoodlookslike in America.WriterCandiceBenbow’s
essayon her own journeyto havingafamilystruckachordwith
me. She explainsthat as Blackwomenwe’vebeentold to focus
on our education,careerand community.But “whenwe aren’t
marriedand in the thirdtrimesterof our secondpregnancyby
the timewe’re35, they ask what’swrongwithus,” she writesin
the Grio.WhileIamlucky to haveasupportive family,I’ve
cometo see that it’s challenging to balancethis levelof
caretakingfor Grannyand cultivatethe futureIwant.
I
startedprogressivelytakingon moreof my grandma’scare in
2017 whenImovedhometo Richmond.Afteratwo-year
fellowshipin Detroitended,Iwas lookingfor apermanentbase
as Itransitionedinto my mid-30sand grewtiredof constantly
movingfor work.IdecidedIwouldchill withmy familyuntilI
figuredout wherethat wouldbe.
The pandemicgroundedany plansto relocate,and Iturned
into the de factoorganizeroffamilysafetyfor my three-person
pod in Richmondas well as for otherfamilymembers.They
calledme “Ms.CDC.”Whenthe virusstartedspreading,
explainingto Grannyhow her worldwouldchangewas
challenging.No moregoingto the gym,no moredailystrolls
withher neighborhoodwalkingbuddy.
Duringthis time,Iaged alongsidemy grandmother. Time
duringthe pandemicseemedto bothexpandand contract,and
it also broughtthe windowof opportunityto havebiological
childreninto full view.Still,Iamtorn betweenwantingto
protectand take care of the familythat Ihave fromcovid-19,
and needingthe spaceto buildthe futurethat Idesire.
Rightnow,IknowIwant kids and I
want to raisethemin community
withfolkswhowill lovethemand me,
and help us flourish.