The Washington Post - USA (2022-05-08)

E4 PG EE THE WASHINGTON POST.SUNDAY, MAY 8 , 2022

Dear Amy: My

youngest

daughter recently

gave birth to her

first child, a

beautiful baby

boy (our fourth grandchild but

first grandson).

I am having difficulty with the

baby’s chosen name.

His first name, “Louis,” is after

the baby’s father, and a family

name — so he is the fourth male

to be named that. I find it

confusing and paternalistic but

otherwise I like the name. It’s

our grandson’s middle name I’m

having the most difficulty with.

His middle name: “Randall” is

my husband's middle name, and

it was his father’s name.

I know my daughter is

honoring her father by giving the

baby his middle name. What she

doesn’t know is that my husband

does not have one happy or

warm memory of his father that

he has ever shared (his father

has been deceased for many

years).

My husband is very guarded

with his words and feelings —

but the things he has shared

point to a cold and emotionally

abusive father.

I didn’t know beforehand

what the middle name of the

baby was going to be and so

couldn’t discuss it with my

daughter and her husband.

Is this something I just need

to get over? I feel sick when I

think about it, and wish my

beautiful grandson had his own

name.

— Upset Grandma

Upset: Your beautiful grandson

does have his own name. And he

shares a middle name with his

wonderful grandfather.

Naming a male child after his

father, grandfather, etc., is the

very essence of “paternalistic,” in

that it is a legacy of

“paterfamilias” — a father figure.

I fail to see anything “confusing”

— or negative — about this.

My own family has a very long

and unbroken line of women

named “Emily.” Is this

“maternalistic?” Yes. Confusing?

(Not to us.)

Does your husband loathe his

middle name, “Randall” because

it was his father's name? Has

your husband ever expressed to

you that he wishes he had a

different middle name? (It

doesn't sound as if you've

discussed how he feels about this

name's impact on his own

identity.)

I wish you could see this as a

tribute to your husband, versus

honoring a challenging history

that only you and your husband

seem to know about (your

daughter seems unaware).

With this generation, your

grandson will reclaim this name,

continue to shine it up (your

husband started the process),

and restore its legacy.

That seems like a very good

thing for everyone.

Yes, I think you should

embrace this choice. And even if

you can’t embrace it this is the

parents’ choice to make.

Dear Amy: I’m wondering if you

could give me some advice about

my marriage.

I have been with my husband

for 22 years. We have five

children together, ages 20, 17, 14,

12 and 4 months old.

I recently found out that my

husband was messing around

with a 25-year-old woman at his

job. I was so hurt because we had

just had our baby.

I confronted him about it and,

of course, he denied it, but I

already knew it was true because

I had seen text messages on his

phone.

I told him that if he continues

to work there, we will have

issues, and of course he is still

employed there.

I’m wondering — what I

should do?

— Hurt

Hurt: If your husband wants to

try to restore his relationship to

you, he should admit to this and

start the process of trying to

regain your trust by behaving

differently.

When couples are earnestly

trying to reconnect, rebuild their

relationship and restore trust,

they generally embark on a

challenging process that involves

a lot of effort and a lot of change.

If the affair partner is a

colleague, then yes — changing

jobs would be part of this

process.

However, reading between the

lines here, I sense that your

husband isn’t eager or ready to

make big changes.

Marriage counseling would

help both of you to talk about

this — versus you making

accusations and ultimatums,

with him denying and ignoring.

If he won’t attend, you should go

by yourself.

Dear Amy: “HO Scale” wrote to

you about a model train set that

had become an awkward item

from childhood that the father

was trying to give to the adult

son.

I loved your suggestion that

the two men visit, set up the

train, and get it running one

time before perhaps selling the

set online.

— Big Fan

Fan: That idea was something of

a cinematic fantasy on my part. I

hope they do it.

Amy's column appears seven days a

week at washingtonpost.com/advice.

Write to [email protected]

or Amy Dickinson, P.O. Box 194,

Freeville, N.Y. 13068.  You can also

follow her @askingamy.

© 2 022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by

Tribune Content Agency

A reader doesn’t like her grandson’s

middle name. Should she speak up?

Ask Amy

AMY

DICKINSON

I wish you could see this

as a tribute to your

husband, versus

honoring a challenging

history that only you

and your husband seem

to know about.

(240) 335-7017

CALL TODAY FOR FREE QUOTE

We design, build and install your windows, without supply chain delays seen by other window companies!

All Doors All Clog-free Gutter Systems All Siding All Roofing

20

%

OFF^20

%

OFF^20

%

OFF^20

%

OFF

Thompson Creek is neither a broker nor a lender. Financing is provided by Greensky, LLC under terms and conditions arranged directly between the customer and Greensky, LLC, all subject to credit requirements and satisfactory completion of finance documents. Thompson Creek does not assist with, counsel or negotiate financing.. *Subject to credit approval. Minimum monthly payments required during the promotional period. Making minimum

monthly payments during the promotional period will not pay off the entire principal balance. Interest is billed during the promotional period, but all interest is waived if the purchase amount is paid in full before the expiration of the promotional period. Financing for GreenSky® consumer loan programs is provided by federally insured, federal and state chartered financial institutions without regard to age, race, color, religion, national origin, gender,

or familial status. Discount applied at time of contract execution. Four window minimum purchase required for advertised discount. All purchase prices to be calculated prior to application of discount. All purchase prices to be calculated prior to application of discount. Excludes previous orders and installations. All products include professional installation. Offer is not valid with any other advertised or unadvertised discounts or promotions. Limit of one

discount per purchase contract. Void where prohibited by law or regulation. Offer expires 5/31/22. Offer may be canceled without prior notice. Offer has no cash value and is open to new customers only. MHIC #125294, VA # 2705-117858-A, DC Permanent # 8246, NC Limited Building Contractor Lic. #86050

WINDOW SALE

40

%

40

OFF

BUY ONE, GET ONE

Plus no interest until December 20 23

INCLUDING INSTALLATION

Save BIG for a limited time!

FREE INSTALLATION ON ALL

CARPET HARDWOOD LAMINATE VINYL

CALL TODAY!

855-997-0612

Sale Applies To AlI Carpet, Hardwood, Laminate and Vinyl. Offer Good Through May 31, 2022.

Mention Promo Code “WAPO” To Save An Additional

$

100

W

E

CO

METOY

OU

!

FREE

IN-HOME

ESTIMATES

FLOORING SALE

NEITHER

SHOULD YOUR

SUBSCRIPTION.

OUR PRESSES DON’T STOP.

All your news, no interruptions.

Just another benefi t of automatic

payments with Easy Pay.

Enroll your Washington Post subscription

in Easy Pay, and we’ll automatically

charge your card when a payment is due.

No fuss. No hassle. No interruptions.

ENROLL TODAY
Visit sub.wpsubscribe.com/easy
or call 202-334-6100.
S0447A 3x5