Canal Boat – July 2018

canalboat.co.uk Canal Boat July 2018 57

LIVEABOARD

I

n not quite the words of 1980s hip-hop

group Salt-n-Pepa: let’s talk about pets,

baby. Boat pets to be precise. It’s fair to

say I’m very fond of animals, probably

more so than most humans if truth be told.

Yes, I know they’re utterly fickle,

essentially going where the food is but at

least their shameless affection is honest in

its dishonesty. You know where you stand

with a pet and as long as you give them food

and somewhere cosy to live, they adore you

with no nagging about doing the hoovering.

Yes, much easier to live with than people.

With canal boating managing somehow to

be both a sociable and yet sometimes

isolating existence, it’s no great surprise that

many boaters keep one or more pets.

Many folk have suggested that a furry

little creature ought to be made a permanent

fixture on my boat but despite the pleasure

of having a little companion around, I

remain cautious about inviting one aboard,

for simple reasons of practicality.

There’s the cost: food, insurance, annual

veterinary checks and vaccinations, toys

and treats can easily reach £100 a month if

not more and being self-employed this is

quite the burden which I’m unprepared to

take on if I can’t guarantee ongoing funds,

including a substantial emergency reserve

should something terrible happen and the

insurance be insufficient (those wriggly

insurers!)

Then there’s the question of what to do

when I’m out maybe doing a day’s work with

clients and all that. They may be dog fans

but I’ve been known to do video shoots for

the NHS for example and I’m pretty sure

they won’t take kindly to Fido sniffing

around the wards and biting people’s

catheters while I’m busy lining up a

shot on the camcorder.

What if I want to go away on holiday? (yes,

I know the boat is a permanent holiday; I’m

just being greedy). In 2002 I put my then pet

cat into a local cattery while I disappeared

for a week. He was entirely fine of course but

I was a nervous wreck worrying about him

and thereafter I either paid for house-sitters

to come and feed him twice a day – including

texting me pictures - or arranged for my

family to “come and have a holiday in Kent”

aka stay in my house and feed Baggie

whenever I had a break.

Now take that level of irrational paranoia

and translate to a cat on a boat. Imagine it

wandering off at every opportunity, getting

chased by loose dogs on the towpath, falling

in the canal ... oh my, I’m feeling a little

peculiar just thinking about it.

Yes, of course hoards of people have boat

cats and they survive all manner of nasties

but whether my own blood pressure would

take it is less clear cut.

A dog then? No running off, could keep it

on a lead and dogs generally love water so

the occasional dip wouldn’t be a problem.

Might be a good burglary deterrent too.

Surely the dog must take the top spot for

most suitable boat pet?

Yet I’m just too darned lazy to get up at the

crack of dawn and walk the thing. And

weirdly, despite emptying my own Thetford

cassette every few days in an avalanche of

waste, the notion of picking up warm, soft

doggy doos in a bag really does not appeal.

Snakes and spiders are definitely not my

thing and goodness knows the boat has

enough spiders on it already. Now that

Spring has sprung, they’re in the nooks and

crannies of the cratch cover, they’re hiding

in the bathroom behind the aforementioned

Thetford, they’re waiting in the mushroom

vents to drop onto my head while I sit

With a determined pace, the food hunter approaches

Above: Squeak was another companion

Left: My neighbour’s collie loves chasing sticks