NEWS 4 STEWS
[email protected]Galley GoddessI was reading the other
day that in a recent survey
in North America, 42% of
males were overweight, 34%
were clinically obese and
8% ate the survey. Oh, for
goodness sake, I exclaimed
to myself; what rot, how
can this be? Surveys taste
like crap. Understandably,
American food has not the
most outstanding reputation
in the world. What, with
their somewhat unnatural
obsession for marshmallows,
the unrelenting belief that
any salad, in any way or form
should be drowned in salad
dressing and, what the hell
is Cheese Whiz? Aerosol
cheese? Can they be serious?
Our American friends are
devoted to their guns, and
have this alarming desire to
go to ̈war ̈ about anything
or on anyone, whether it be
an innocent Jello Salad or
those scary men overseas that
are so fond of wearing loud
coloured head gear. In my
daydreaming musings, I think
to myself that I’d enjoy going
to war on the vile American
food, I think I’d really like that.
I’d blow up every commercial
bakery that I could, I mean,
what’s with their bread?
Why is it so sweet? It makes
my teeth bleed. And the
portion sizes? They really,
really freak me out, I mean,
do these ‘restaurants` really
think I want 2 and a half kgs
of French fries, (and these
fries have nothing to do with
the French, so no use blaming
or bombing them) a coke theDressing? Olives? Something
for your hair? An AKA 47?
Me: “What? Yes, er, no, I’m
just hungry, can I have my
sandwich now please?”
Server: “Toasted, roasted,
basted? Ranch dressing, mayo,
coleslaw, salt and pepper?”
Me: “Please, just the
sandwich”, edging backwards
as SG fires more questions
at me......not hungry
anymore..........
Server: “There you go Madam,
that’ll be $25.00, plus tax, plus
tipping and gratuity charge -
$39.50..........For the county that gave us
Superheroes, Philly Cheese
Steak and the television series,
Friends - I will forever be
grateful. But you good people
can keep Kim Kardashian, your
adorable 18 page long B!B2
visa application and fried sushi
though. Ta, but no thanks.
XXXXXXXAnd, as unfair as I have been,
my dear American Islander
readers, please accept my
musings as mere fanciful
reflections. Exaggerations
are bound to run riot when Iget my mouth on, so please
forgive me. On a positive
note there are also lot of great
offerings from our friends
over the pond. Walmart,
Pecan pie, Clam chowder and
good o’l apple pie to list only
a few. But what about their
ribs I hear you exclaim? Yes,
Americans certainly rule with
ribs, be it barbecue, grilling,
broiling, smoking or declaring
war on them. The following
recipe is a personal fave
of mine, well, actually, it is
mine.......I can guarantee your
crew or guests will swoon over
this gem of a recipe......Baby Back Ribs in
Sticky Sweet sauce2 kg ribs - try to take all that
nasty fat offCooking liquid
200 ml soy sauce
100g sugar
2 tablespoons Chinese 5 spice
6 star anise
2 large tablespoons chille
flakes
2 onions, peeled and chopped
in half
2 thumbs of ginger, peeledsize which could support an
aquarium eco system (that
I can refill?) along with a
hamburger that is the size of
my head? Yes, I’d blow up all
those fast food hamburger
places also.Ever tried to order a coffee or
a sandwich in the States?Me: “Can I have a ham and
cheese sandwich please?”
Server: (super friendly) “Sure
thing Madam! Which of these
one thousand, nine hundred
and fifty varieties of bread
would you like today?” (Note
to self - try not to go on about
bread again).
Me: “Um, er, that one,
pointing”
Server “Absolutely! Great
choice, wonderful choice!
That’s a multi-grained-crap-
tasting-full-of-sugar-shjit-fest-
of-cancer-inducing-foot-long-
sub-roll. Do you want enough
ham to sink a small ocean
going liner or would you prefer
just enough to make you
shit like a bear for an entire
week?”
Me: “Um, I’ll go for merely
enough to induce a bit of
noxious farting for 8 hours,
thanks”
Server: “Cheese madam?
We have Orange cheese- Monterey Jack - Orange
Monterey Jack - Neon
Monterey Jack - Rubbery,
toxic, orange Monterey Jack?”
Me: “I’ll have the yellow
cheese, just the plastic, yellow
cheese please”
Server: “Certainly, good
choice, excellent choice!
Pickles? Gerkins?”
Me: “Um, I don’t like Pic.....
Server: “Lettuce? Cucumber?