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168 Louisiana Sportsman^ | April 2015

Cigars & courtbouillon

The boy was on a roll. His stage presence and delivery shamed

Huey Long, Jimmy Swaggart and Vince Vance — maybe even

Ronnie Lamarque and Bob Breck.

Artie, you see, was vouchsafing his secret formula for rocket-

ing both LSU and Da Saints “back to the top” — in two seasons

flat ( fire Miles and Payton.)

This was hardly the first time we’d heard Artie’s painstakingly

complex (and loud) remedies for ALL of Louisiana’s football woes.

In fact, it seemed like take 75 or somewhere thereabouts.

Alas, the Spring Break bash at Doc’s Shell Beach camp always

makes Artie more garrulous than usual. Doc’s Spring Break décor

for the weekend contributes much to the festive atmosphere.

Digital cameras, much less smartphones, were decades away

from invention during our Tiger Land years; the current fetish for

snapping off selfies and other such obnoxiousness at the merest

whim weren’t even gleams in anyone’s eye at the time.

But somehow Doc always finds enough pictures (mostly blown-

up old Polaroids) of our Spring Break adventures during our col-

lege years to plaster almost every inch of the walls in his camp.

“Thanks for the memories, Doc!” is the usual reaction from

the gang.

But not the exclusive one — especially from the wives.

Wet T-shirt contests, you might recall, were all the rage

around Destin and Panama City at the time. New Orleans

Ladies, you might recall, was a hit song at the time. Well, this

song blared as a backdrop to a FAMOUS such beer-soaked con-

test that most of the people in Doc’s den remembered QUITE

well — whoo-boy!

“Va-va-boom!” Pelayo kept whooping as he traipsed around

Doc’s den, humming the song while pointing at the glowering

gals.

But don’t get me wrong: The gals did eventually get their

digs in. Especially after Doc’s girlfriend Trisha got them in the

proper mood. It usually doesn’t take long.

First, Doc’s state-of-the-art speakers start thumping out a hit

song of the period: Kool and the Gang’s Ladies Night. Then his

tape switches over to a song that was a particularly big hit with

us at the time: Rupert Holmes’ Pina Colada Song (actually titled

Escape.)

Then Trisha starts serving up the song’s namesakes — in hur-

ricane glasses. Always does the trick.

“Look at all that HAIR!” Cindy laughed right on cue, while

The crawfish heads were piling up,

the keg was foaming and Artie was in

the spotlight. Happens every time.