T
HE big eye sees me appraises
and locks on with a definite gleam.
The elephant raises his trunk
sprays. I manage â just â to dodge
but a grandfather smoking in
laconic bonelessly French fashion
(even the cigarette dangles) gets soaked. âMerde!â
And probably worse. Well he should not have
been smoking over a be-prammed baby anyway.
Heâs audibly gnashing his teeth the babyâs wailing
Iâm laughing and Iâm sure the elephant is too.
The only thing is the elephant is metal.
Yet somehow somehow heâs alive. I know it
and Iâm deeply in love. Heâs the star attraction at
Les Machines de lâIle and heâs a steampunk wonder
hissing and clanking and enormous. Heâs the size
of the Mumakil the giant war elephants in
the LOTR movies and carries some 50 people
on his back around the theme park and sprays
children and gawping adults impartially.
And he has serious range so watch out.
The rest of the park makes you wonder whether
instead of cutesy little bunnies and lamby-wambies
we should give children creepy toys to play with
because they clearly love this. Inspired by Jules
Ver neâs writings the park has used spare metal bits
and bobs in beautifully grotesque ways â beetles
spiders spiny fish crabs anything that would make
you go âEwww!â in real life â is something to ride
or caress with a wary fingertip in case it should come
alive. There are two carousels the bigger one showing
you the marine life Captain Nemo would have seen
as he plunged the Nautilus deeper and deeper
underwater. Ride inside an angler fish and twiddle
knobs and wheels to make its fins move sit in a prawn
even plunge under the floor for a second. Itâs gorgeous
bizarre and a great introduction to Nantes.
This is an interesting city more so because it feels
like a place that once used to be important giventhe size of its cathedral and its history as a slavery
port but which is now living like a retired rock star
not doing very much but still full of great stories.
Everything here revolves around the past:
the Passage Pommeraye an elegant old shopping
arcade built in the 1840s the Isle of Nantes
once the nautical centre of the city or Le Lieu
Unique an old biscuit factory thatâs now the âinâ
place to hang out with hipster bars and an art
centre. Debotte Gautier Patisserie has the sort
of chocolate-laden air inside that can make a small
child explode so be careful and take a seat
on the velvet pouffes that look like they belong
to someone called Anastasia or Alexander.
The huge Cathédrale St-Pierre et St-Paul is more
than just another church: it really is quite stunning
inside and for connoisseurs of the weird the marble
tomb of Francis II of Brittany is a great find. Decorated
with effigies of Francis II and his first wife
Marguerite it also includes a greyhound a lion
angels penitent sinners and representations of
the four âcardinal virtuesâ: Courage Temperance
Justice and crucially Prudence who has the
face of Francisâs daughter Anne who took his
place as duchess and apparently did a great job.
The interesting thing though is that she as Prudence
has an old manâs face growing Voldemort-like out
of the back of her head. But fear not: he merely
represents the wisdom of the past not the Dark Lord.
I told you Nantes was a weird city and you need
to stay at the Sozo Hotel which is an old nunnery
converted into a design hotel by a Franco-Japanese
couple which sounds rather improbable but
is really true. Also it might be haunted but thatâs
just part of the charm. And you finish off with
a dinner at La Cigale â the cricket â gorgeous
in its architecture and generous with its helpings
of rabbit lamb fish and gooey desserts which might
also explain why the hotel feels haunted.EASY EUROPE GRUYÃRES
Nantes
Above and facing page 2.
The cathedral in Nantes
is huge with a cool tomb
inside â a worthy guardian
over this quirky cityPHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGESEASY EUROPE FRANCE FOR FAMILIES