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FEBRUARY2016cruisingworld.comON WATCHfriend’s number, and then curtly informed
the womenfolk that they could not talk
right now, as they were out on a yacht con-
ducting offi cial government business and,
thus, had no time for frivolous chatter.
Sometimes all you can do is smile. One
time in India, a money-changer named
Honest John slid up on our port side as
a vessel identifi ed as “Pete’s Pure Water”
lassoed our starboard cleat.
“Hello, esteemed gentleman,” said
Honest John with grand elocution. “I am
Honest John, and as honest as the day
is long. Actually, I’m honest longer than
that, kind sir, for I am nobly honest in the
evening too!”“He’s a notorious waterfront cheat
and a liar!” screamed the other bum-
boat skipper, with yellow spittle flying
from his toothless mouth. “And univer-
sally despised as such! Don’t allow him to
bamboozle you, American Skipper and
American Lady Friend! Honest John is
a complete disgrace to all of India. May
Mahatma Gandhi roll over in his grave!”
“And just who is calling the kettle
black?” asked Honest John huffily. “Pu-
trid Pete, who gets his water from latrines
and urinals frequented by untouchables?”
“My wide array of sterilized water prod-
ucts are 100 percent pure from the town
dock tap!” screamed Pete.We hadn’t even set out our anchor rode
yet, and were already learning about the
sharp business practices of these tradi-
tional marine-industry proprietors.
At other times, it’s a bit harder to laugh.
Recently, thanks to an out-of-date cruising
guide, we attempted to clear into Lombok,
Indonesia. Five offi cials fl ooded aboard,
each having stepped from a shiny new
flag-snapping, air- conditioned vehicle.
They wore skin-tight tailored uniforms,
and each sported an expensive- looking
pen, watch and ring — in a country where
few citizens have shoes, and many, if not
most, lack food.
Now, there are two ways to look at what
came next: One is that these were exploit-
ers and horrible people — or else they
were expert go-getters and having the
time of their entrepreneurial lives. Re-
gardless of which one you pick, the fact
that they were worldly-naive and some-
what childlike was undeniable.
They stampeded aboard Ganesh, our
43-foot ketch, with hard shoes and soft
hands, and immediately settled around
the cockpit table. Each time we asked
them if they wanted drinks, fruits, snacks
or other food, they said yes, yes and yes,
with happy and grateful smiles. And they
made no effort to begin the clearing-in
process, seemingly intent on denting our
food stores.
Eventually, one lanky, kind of snaky guy
peeled off from the group, donned thick
glasses, and started laboriously readingFATTY’S SKINNY
ON CLEARING IN
Clearing in on a non-holiday, during
regular hours, is usually straightfor-
ward. Often all that is required is a
smile, passports, ship’s papers and
the outbound clearance from your
last port.Dress conservatively, in long pants
and shoes. Shorts and T-shirts are
considered an insult in many tropi-
cal locales.Usually you’re required to visit both
customs and immigration ashore,
with immigration issuing you a stamp
on your passport and customs giving
you a receipt that indicates you have
cleared in.If someone asks for a little extra, we
always respond regretfully, “Unfor-
tunately, our owner doesn’t allow us
to pay any fees without an offi cial re-
ceipt. Sorry!”For more advice from Fatty, watch his
video at cruisingworld.com/1602Fatty.