Canadian Yachting — June 2017

78 C a n a d i a n Y a c h t i n g JUNE 2017

Work like aCAPTAIN,Play like aPIRATEat Marinas.com

Georgian Bay

A Parkbridge Marina Atherley Narrows

BEAC

ON (^) BAY
M A R I N A
A Parkbridge Marina A Parkbridge Marina A Parkbridge Marina
YACHTING CENTRE
PORT
A Parkbridge Marina
BAY
CROSSING THE LINE By John Morris
Boat or Reality:
Take This Simple Test
How important is your boat in the context of your 21st century
lifestyle. We’re here to find out and, just like in Cosmo, you
can do this simple test to determine just where your boat fits
in the continuum of your self-actualization agenda. Or some-
thing like that.
First we start with the relationship with your boat to assess
its vitality and importance.
SCORING
Add 5 points for each answer with which you agree and 9.75
points for each answer with which you agree enthusiastically.
Deduct 10 points for each answer with which you disagree.
Deduct a further ½ point for each answer that caused your dog
to run to the door.
Further, sailboat owners then adjust their score in accor-
dance with your PHRF speed potential. Just to be fair, power-
boat owners can adjust theirs too, based on factors including
sunblock consumed by month and guest count.
PART A – YOU AND YOUR BOAT

1. Your canvas work matches your eyes


2. At the helm, you feel like a free bird and Lynyrd Skynrd
   plays loudly somewhere in the virtual distance


3. Last year I wept like a five year old at haul out


4. On the boat I have the grace of a gymnast, off the boat I
   am as clumsy as a galosh


5. If I was having any more fun on the boat, I’d have
   to be twins


6. The “V” in V-berth stands for a) vivacious b)
   versatile c) vegetarian

PART B - BOAT SENSITIVITY

1. My flares are up to date


2. I know flares expire


3. They do? Really?


4. I can dock even when there are people watching


5. I can tie a bowline in the dark. Sometimes.

Next, we take a look at the world around you and assess the
impact.

PART C – YOUR NON-ESSENTIAL OTHER LIFE

1. Your tie and matching pocket handkerchief wardrobe is
   inadequate


2. You’re genuinely concerned about Canadian election
   reform


3. You can make low-cal poutine


4. I have long wanted to top the sales chart for July


5. Can’t wait to get to Joel and Shauna’s wedding. Already
   bought them a crystal carrot dish.

PART D – SOME OTHER STUFF

1. Dance like no-one’s watching


2. Red right returning


3. Keep calm and carry on


4. A watched pot never boils


5. No white shoes after Labour Day

RESULTS

9-14 points:your boat means a great deal to your inner

piece and while you’d of course prefer to head to the gardening

centre for perennials, you promised your dock captain’s

nephew you’d be serving mojitos this weekend.

4-8 points:summer is too short and the world is too compli-

cated. On the water, however, none of these factors count.

Those are the only results we offer analysis for. If you

reached a different point score, you’re on your own. But that

isn’t such a bad thing. In fact, it’s usually why boaters fall in

love in the first place. Have a great summer! •