S MAGAZINE ★ 25 AUGUST 2019 21
Not a lot of people know this but I’m very
good at... harmonising. I discovered this
skill when I was a child. It must be very
annoying for people. There are certain songs
that I cannot resist. I always have a little
hope that I’ll go along to some gig and one
of the backing singers will be taken ill. I’d
step in to sing the harmony.
My best friend is... I’ve got three very close
girlfriends, but we don’t meet as a group.
I see them all individually. I moved a lot
when I was little as my dad was in the army.
I haven’t got old school friends and I’m sad
about that. I wish I’d known my friends longer.
My nickname is... Bobby. My mother used
to call me that. I can’t ask her why, she died
years ago. There was somebody she knew
that looked like me as a baby. When my aunt
met me for the first time she said, “Oh look,
it’s Bobby.”
The bravest thing I’ve ever done is... write
a book. It takes months. I’ve never saved
anyone’s life and I’m quite a coward in many
circumstances. I don’t like heights but I
parachuted from a plane for Blue Peter. That
was unexpected, but I think bravery is when
you know what something feels like and you
still do it.
My favourite TV show is... The Detectorists.
It’s perfectly crafted, funny and sad, too. I feel
the same about This Country.
My perfect evening is... It has to involve
food. I love cooking. I’d start with a nice
dinner and a cocktail with my family.
I’d like to say sorry to... Petra Toovey. We
were about eight years old. She accused
me of taking her pencil case. I hadn’t
and my bad reaction split us up as
friends. We left school quite soon
after and I have no idea what
happened to her.
My first kiss was... with
Jeff. He was slightly older
than me. I was 14.
Sorry Jeff, but it was
horrible. I didn’t knowyou were supposed to use your tongue.
The one thing I’d change about myself is...
my height. I’d like to be a bit taller, reach
things and put my bag in an overhead locker.
I have little steps around the house to help
me out. I’m 5ft 2ins, so not teeny tiny, but the
world is definitely designed for taller people.
The best thing my parents taught me was...
to be myself. My mother would say that
tomorrow is another day. You’ll still be you,
but you’ll be better. Don’t try and be someone
else all the time or you’ll forget who you are.
She gave me enormous confidence.
The last time I cried was... this morning.
Sophie [Ellis-Bextor] sent me a WhatsApp
video of my three-year-old grandson
dancing to Shotgun by George Ezra. He’s
so uninhibited and happy. I cry all the time.
It gets worse with age, I tell you.
The first record I ever bought was... Dizzy by
Tommy Roe. That’s the really old version.
I thought it was really sexy. I think I was about
10, but I might be massaging that a bit.
It’s not good for my image but I like...
listening to glee choirs. You know, a cappella
singing. My family don’t love it like I do.
I suppose it just sets me apart.
My greatest weakness is... I don’t say no.
Instead I say, “I’ll let you know” or, “I’ll see” or,
“Come back to me in a week.” I give myself
twice the job by having to say no later, plus
I’ve upset someone who thought I might do
something. I don’t know why I find it so hard.
If I could pass any law I would... ban
extending dog leads. They’re a mixed
message. People fall over them when they
extend all over the path. A dog should be
on the lead or free to run.
I drive... some sort of Audi estate. Now I’m
over 60, I can travel in London for nothing.
I forget I have a car. I can and do drive, but
it’s not my first mode of transport.
The shop I can’t walk past is... Liberty
London. Even if I go inside and inhale the
smell of the cotton, that will do. I used to
make clothes for Sophie and I by hand. I’d buyWriter and presenter Janet, 63, lives in west London
with her husband John Words by Kirsten Jones
Janet Ellis
offcuts in Liberty. They were cheap and
smelled delicious. It’s a sensory overload.
The most expensive thing I’ve ever splashed
out on is... the flipping dog. Angela is a
pedigree Italian spinone. We’re always forking
out at the vets. I think they just decide what
they want to charge us and, of course, we pay.
The actor I’d like to play me in a film is...
Hattie Morahan, because I’d like to be her
friend. No, I’d do a gender swap and choose
Stephen Mangan. I think he’d do me well.
The worst job I’ve ever done is... working in
a posh dress shop as a student. It was so
expensive that hardly anyone came in. The
minute they saw me even think about sitting
down they’d invent a job for me to do, like dust
under the hangers. It was sheer boredom.
My perfect Sunday is... a timetable of sorts.
Breakfast out is a massive treat. I’ll have an
early supper of Chinese dim sum in Soho.
Then I’d have a walk by the river and see a
show. I’m really into drag acts so I’d go and
see Denim. They’re really funny.
My favourite place in Britain is... my home.
This house is so stuffed full of things that it’d
take about a year to move out. It means a
great deal to me and it’s part of who we are.
We’re near Soph and my other children and
they love coming here.
My last holiday was... Sicily. We bought
a little house there. It’s like Italy with the
corners knocked off. It’s simple, old-fashioned
and the food is amazing. The countryside is
phenomenal. I really recommend it.
I’m currently reading... Midnight In Sicily by
Peter Robb. I love reading books about places
that I am in or know well. I’ve read my book
How It Was about six times. Reading it for the
audiobook was quite intense. I’m trying to
select a bit of it to read at book festivals.
The best day of my life was... my 60th
birthday, three years ago. I had a big party and
Sophie sang. She was pregnant with Jesse,
but she’s used to jumping around with a baby.
My whole family was there and nearly every
friend who could make it. My first book The
Butcher’s Hook was about to be published. It
was a big storm of loveliness.
If I had half an hour left on Earth I’d... meet
my family by the river and grab a coffee on the
way. A day without coffee, what’s the point in
that? The river never disappoints me. I visit
every day with the dog. It’s very grounding,
too. It will go on flowing whatever happens.How It Was by Janet Ellis (Two Roads, £16.99),
is out now. See Express Bookshop on page 77.●SCOLIN THOMAS