Scan Magazine – August 2018

Issue 115 | August 2018 | 107

By Mette Lisby

By Maria Smedstad

IS IT JUST ME...

Muddy brown-grey

I recently found myself in this odd situation:
someone requested my friendship on Face-
book, on my private profile. It was one of
these people who is in the same business as
you, with whom you have got loads of mutual
Facebook friends, who you have heard col-
leagues and other friends mention in con-
versations over the years — you are literally
one birthday party away from actually having
met this person in real life.

So I accepted the invitation and we became
friends on Facebook.

By chance, a few weeks later, I met him in
real life, at a birthday party for one of our
many mutual friends. I was chatting when
I saw him across the room and I thought
“Oh, how fun! There’s that guy who be-
friended me on Facebook!” So I smiled at
him. He did not smile back. My husband
and I mingled around, several times close
to my new Facebook friend, who at no point
seemed interested in saying hi. I thought

perhaps he had not seen me, so I smiled

again, only for him to shoot me a ‘Relax,

lady!’ stare, as if he thought I was creepily

stalking him.

I felt inclined to follow him — see? I am not

the stalking type at all! — poke him in the

back with an insistent finger and say: “Hey!

YOU asked me to be friends on Facebook!”

I am usually pretty non-confrontational and

easy-going, so after the initial outrage, I

calmed down, telling my husband in the

car on the way home that it was probably a

misunderstanding. Maybe he thought I was

someone else when he requested my Face-

book friendship.

But then, a few days later, it was coinciden-

tally my birthday and this guy sends me a

heartfelt greeting. Not one of those standard

ones, but one you actually spend time on (or

at least two seconds, which is a lot to spend

on anyone these days!).

As I’m writing this, Sweden is about to play
England in the World Cup. By the time it is in
print, we will know who won, but at the mo-
ment, anything seems possible and I am be-
ing bombarded with messages from friends
asking which team I will be supporting.

The answer is Sweden. Come Saturday, I
will be in blue and yellow, while my hus-
band will don red and white. I am incredibly
proud to call the UK my home and hope it
will remain so. But deep down — apparent-
ly, as proven by the World Cup — remains
the Swede, ready to scream at a TV screen
while 22 men chase a small ball across it.
I do not think of it as disloyalty to England,
more as the occasional awakening of
something that is so firmly attached to my
soul that it can never be removed, despite
what my mother says when she catches me
eating Scotch eggs or coleslaw.

Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female co-

median. She invites you to laugh along with her

monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up

debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish ver-

sion of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.

Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from

Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in

Illustration in 2001,

before settling in the

capital as a freelance

cartoonist, creating

the autobiographical

cartoon Em. Maria

writes a column on

the trials and trib-

ulations of life as a

Swede in the UK.

I think it is possible to immerse yourself in

your adopted culture, while retaining some

of the original you at the core, existing as a

happy hybrid. It brings to mind those child-

hood moments of abandonment, when I

would wildly squish all the different shades

of Play-Doh together, all the blues and yel-

lows and reds and whites, despite knowing

what would happen. Muddy brown-grey.

That is what happened. But I would stare at

the lump in my hand, always reminding my-

self that muddy brown-grey is the best col-

our Play-Doh there is. It is all of everything,

mixed together, until it is irreversibly one.

Dude, I met you a week ago and you could

not be bothered to say hi to my face!

I do not look that different from my pho-

tos. Maybe he is just more comfortable

being friends on Facebook than in actual

life. And, admittedly, the great thing about

Facebook friends is that you do not always

have to talk to them. But it does reveal the

real challenge with Facebook friends: you

think you know someone!

Who has encountered a new grey zone between Facebook friendships or
acquaintances and real-life friendships?

Scan Magazine | Humour | Columns