utilitarian calculations about the reference group to which he should sub-
scribe, nor anchor his sense of self within normative social institutions.^14
Rather, he sought out meaningful emotional experiences, which provided
cues for how to choose among competing identifications. In this sense,
the emotions that Blake experienced during shows provided “sentimental
education” into the question of who he was (Geertz, 1972). During our
interview, he discussed how upon realizing that punk reflected aspects of
his perceived preexistent persona, he began to make attempts to cathetically
affirm his identity. The intense emotions that he experienced during
showswhat ultimately formed the “vocabulary of sentiment” out of
which he constructed his identity (Geertz, 1972,p.27)provided that con-
firmation. After proceeding through the physical and emotional experiences
of shows, he no longer had to consider whether or not he was really a
punkhe knew because he felt it, because he had physically “lived it.”
Had the experiences failed to register, he likely would have sought out an
alternate identity.
In a similar way, Ian, a 22-year-old male, affectively cemented his sense of
self by struggling to be the “first person” to receive the “energy” that bands
released during shows. When I asked him to speak about the experience of
attending a punk show, he immediately became animated, exclaiming:
Oh man. If it’s a band that you know, you always have to be the one right up front.
That’s a must. You will do anything to get up front...That way, when they come on
the small stage...awww...andthey’re singing, you can feel the spit on your face. And
you see the sweat, all of it. You want to be there, and you want to try to grab that
energy that they’re letting loose...and you’ve got your hands in the air, you’re singing
songs that you don’t even know the words to, butyou’re there...the band is letting
loose all this energy...and you’re the first one who gets it...It’s the greatest feeling in
the world being there...it really is.Being up front, which for Ian required knocking down others and struggling
against an unruly crowd, proved his commitment to his own feelings and
identity. It also allowed him to cultivate a sense of personal distinctiveness
while securing his group affiliation.^15 Blake and Ian, in other words, both
discussed a sensation of “being there” during shows, which described their
experience of coming into contact with the subcultural “real”: the meanings
of the subculture organized within an encompassing structurethe concert
(Geertz, 1972). They ultimately developed a sense of certainty about their
punk identities because enacting what it meant to be punk during the “deep
play” of the show produced “the greatest feeling in the world.”
Yet, while Blake and Ian sought out meaningful emotional experiences
during concerts in order to confirm their punk identities, heightened
Ecstatic Ritual as a New Mode of Youth Identity Work 177