abandon my confidence in the positivistic ideal of the rational and distant
observer who has a full control over herself in the situation under study.
The researcher’s challenge is to use her emotions knowingly.
Keywords:Fieldwork; emotions in the field; observation; reflexivityINTRODUCTION
In this paper I reflect on how I managed the borders between different
scenes of my life: research, academic professional, private social, and perso-
nal. Managing the interrelation between these scenes became problematic
during a study I conducted of the police in Brussels which consisted mainly
in observation. During the fieldwork I tried to restrict myself to an obser-
ver’s role and did not wish to intervene in the work of those I observed.
When I was “out” of the field with my family or colleagues, discussing my
observations, I felt limited in how I could speak about the field. Within the
private scene the issue of police practices sparked emotionally tense discus-
sions because of negative experiences my family and friends had had with
the police. I felt a conflict of loyalty between this research on the police and
my other scenes. I felt silenced because this situation raised many questions
that were hard to answer. How could I discuss my field experiences with
my sisters, my partner, and my friends, yet maintain a distance from their
emotions? How did I relate to my position as a non-interventive observer
when I was “out” of the field? These questions undoubtedly arose because
I became involved with the police, initially too much, according to my
standards. The effect this had on my different scenes, including the field
scene itself, is the topic of this paper.
The concept I use for those multiple social spaces is the researcher’s
“social scenes,” which each has its own rules and role so as to constitute its
specific social order. It is precisely this back and forth, this interplay of
mutual influence between the field and the other social scenes that this
paper will explore, “this invisible texture that binds the movement of daily
life to that of research can in turn become a resource for investigation”^1
(Cefaı ̈& Amiraux, 2002).
This interplay of mutual influence is particularly experienced and obser-
vablein field situations such as those I encountered, that is, those that did
not require me to travel far from my living environment. I was able to go
home after each day of observation. As a result, during the same day
44 CAROLINE DE MAN