The Washington Post Magazine - USA (2022-05-15)

(Antfer) #1
conscious, took out his phone and studied his hair.
The rest of the conversation circled around connections and
hobbies. They frequent the same bars and both play kickball
and trivia, but they didn’t go beyond surface-level interests. “A
very big part of me is I’m into playing video games, but he never
really got that out of me,” Zach said.
Jeremy felt the disconnect, too. “There were some awkward
silences,” he said. “I was trying to reassure him after the hair
thing, and then I got nothing, so in that sense I got that he
probably isn’t into me.” With Zach’s established career in
government, Jeremy also thought Zach seemed more settled
down, prompting him to wonder whether he was “really ready
to be in something serious,” as he is navigating a new career.
After two hours, they paid the bill and shared Instagram
handles. They hugged and parted ways with an amicable
goodbye. Jeremy messaged Zach to say he had a nice time. “I
would be down to get drinks with him, but I don’t think we’re
compatible beyond more than that,” Jeremy said.

Rate the date
Jeremy: 4 [out of 5].
Zach: 3.

Update
No further contact.

Prachi Gupta is a writer in New York.

Neither remembers verbatim what was said next, but, Jeremy
“basically said I can tell you don’t go to fancy restaurants all that
often,” Zach told me, and then made a comment about Zach’s
hair — not his mustache. Zach, who grew up in a rural town in
Virginia, worried the comment was stereotyping him as being a
“country bumpkin.”
That was not at all what he meant to convey, Jeremy said.
The comment, triggered by nerves, “just came out the wrong
way, and it was my way of trying to relate to him.” For Jeremy,
the anxiety of the moment — and the fear of how it colored
Zach’s perception of him — interfered with how the date
progressed. “I think he took that as I don’t think he’s attractive.
I actually do. And then I was worried about how this is going to
appear, and I was a little off after.”
“After that happened, there was silence and I started
laughing, and he started laughing, and we joked about it
throughout the night,” Jeremy said. But for Zach, that moment
was when he “realized it was not going to work out.” Zach, self-

“There were some


awkward silences,”


Jeremy says.


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