HSFC_2017_01_11

E6| Wednesday,January 11, 2017|SFChronicle.com

DATEBOOK

Yourgovernmentat work,orhere’s

readingmaterialthatshouldkeepyou

occupiedfortherestof2017:

CraigDalbyoftheNationalPark

ServicewrotetoTheChronicle’sCarl

Nolte:“GoldenGateNationalRecreation

Areahasreleasedmorethan260,000

pagesofrecords,andiscontinuingto

processadditionalrecords,relatedtothe

developmentofadogmanagementplan

forthepark. ...To encourage public

reviewofthesedocuments,theparkisin

theprocessofpostingthemtoitsonline

ReadingRoom.”

***

Oh,therearealotofdisappointed

footballfansoutthere.Amongthem,

George Miller,oneofthepartnersin

Sam’s Grill,who—likegenerationsof

verse-writersbeforehim—drownedhis

sorrows inpoetry.

Twooftheverses:“Jed

Yorkhere/Sorryabout

theSuperBowl curse/I’ve

beenstudyingDarwin/

He hasevolutioninre-

verse.”And“JedYork still

here/Herearethefacts/I

amtheposterchild/For

theinheritancetax.”

P.S.:In thepre-Bill

Walsh/JoeMontanaera,

SteveRozziremembers,

“Weusuallyhadacoupleofextratick-

ets,”sooneday, aftertailgating,“weleft

twoticketsonourcarwindshield.When

we gotba ck, therewerefourtickets.”

***

1 TheJ.P. MorganHealthcareConfer-

ence,presentinganarrayofmedical

investmentopportunities,continuesin

SanFranciscountilThursday, Jan.12.

TomSweeney,doormanat theSirFran-

cisDrake, says downtownhotelrooms

startedat $850anight,withsuitesgoing

forasmuchas$5,000anight.Mean-

while,inWashington,thedebate over

who’llpayforyouremergencyappen-

dectomyrageson.

1 Mark Abramsonentertainedsome

out-of-townersovertheholidays,friends

whospendmostofthetimeat Mark’s

apartment,sharingmealsandconversa-

tion,butbunkedat theStanfordCourt

thisyear. Abramsoninvitedthemtostay

withhimandsave moneyonahotel

room,butonefrienddecl ined.“That’sall

right.Ial ways sleepbetterknowing

there’s someonedowninthelobbyplay-

ingaharp.”(Abramsonjokedaboutthis

asbeingtypicalofatruequeen,but

aroundhere,we don’tlike fake news.

ThemusicintheStanfordCourtlobby, it

turnsout,comesfromaCDplayer. Just

considerthatharpistfigurative.)

1 As tothetarthatcoveredsomeofthe

rainbowcrosswalksonCastroStreet

whenamoviewasshottherelastyear,

AndrewMarshallobservedthatthe

remainingrainbowonesare“usedby

gays,thetarryonesusedby st raights,

andpeoplewhoarewishy-washy jay-

walk.”

1 ThebestpartoftheGoldenGlobes

ceremonyonSunday, Jan.8,cameun-

expectedly, duringMeryl Streep’s life-

timeachievementawardacceptance

speech.Butrig ht fromthestart,the

failureofshowbizmachinery(the

teleprompter)causedtheshow tobegin

onalacklusternote.Isn’tJimmyFallon

supposedtobeanentertainer?Atalk-

show hostspeechlesswithoutpre-writ-

tenremarks?Couldn’t heha ve faked

someentertainingstand-up,andisn’t

that whatshowbiztraditionmandates?

MariahCarey’s NYEmishapwasun-

derstandable,consider-

ingtheelectronicneces-

sitiesofperformingout-

side. Fallon,supposedly

apro,fellshort.

***

OneoftheSanFran-

ciscanswhowent to

Washington,D.C.,forthe

senatorialswearing-inof

KamalaHarriswasherfriendSeth

Matarasso,whoreports—inatonethat

canonlybedescribedas“kvelling,”that

is,takingpleasureintheaccomplish-

mentsofothers—“shene verfaltered.”

Thereweretwoswearings-in,oneonthe

Senatefloor,andtheotheraprivate

event,theoathadministeredby Vice

PresidentJoeBiden.

TheSanFranciscopalstheretowit-

nessit include dMark Leno,Cissie

Swig,MimiSilbert,LaurenePowell

Jobs,Sharon Owsl ey,andCharlesand

CherylWard.AftertheSenateceremo-

nies,saidMatarasso,guestswatched

fromthegalleryasSen.DianneFein-

steinledHarrisaroundthechamber

floor,introducinghertoNewYork Sen.

ChuckSchumerandothers.

Aftertheday’sofficialduties,there

wasacocktailpartyat thehomeofDe-

braLeeofBlackEntertainmentTelevi-

sion,followedby apri vatedinnerat Fiola

MareinGeorgetown,at which Harris’

husb andspokeaboutherresolve to

work forhercountry. Ofcourse,said

Matarasso,theoutcomeofthenational

electioncastacertainbittersweetshad-

ow overthejoyofHarris’having

achievedtheoffice.

Leah Garchikisopenforbusinessin San

Francisco,(415)777-8426. Email:

[email protected]:

@leahgarchik

LEAH GARCHIK

Drowning indocs

fromdog dilemma

PUBLIC EAVESDROPPING

“I don’t knowthe

answer, but I’ll

give you my

opinion.”

Businessman to business-

man, overheard atthe

Phoenix airport byBob Epstein

DearAbby:Inthebeginningof

ourmarriagetherewasph ysical

abuseandmaritalrape.Istayed

anyway.Overtheyearswehad

two children.Myhusb and,

“Seth,”hasrefusedtotalkabout

anyissueswehave.Duringthe

lastfewyears,myyoungestson

hasalsobecomephysicallyabu-

sivetome.Itriedtoleavemany

timesbutfaileduntilayearago

when,becauseIhadaheartat-

tack,Imo vedinwithfamily.

Sethnowwantstotalkabout

ourissues.Hesugg estedthatI

comebackhome.Hehasmedical

problems,soIwastakingcareof

allthehouseholdchoresand

workingtwojobs.Inolongerlove

myhusb and.Hewantstoro-

mancemeandtrytomakeme

lovehimagain.HefeelsI“owe”

himachancetoprovethathe

lovesmeandcanchange.AmI

wrongforleavingandlettinggo?

I’mconfused.

Letti ngGoinFlorida

DearLettingGo:Youowethis

mannothing!IfyouallowSethto

romanceyouintocomingbackto

takecareofhim,youwillwindup

whereyoustarted.Yourson

abusesyoubecausethatiswhat

hesawhisfatherdoing—and

youallowedit.Ifyoustandyour

groundnow, itwillshowthat

abuseisnottobetolerated.Ihope

youwillteachhimthatlesson.

DearAbby:Fourmonthsagomy

wifestartedwearingmoremake-

up,perfumeandtryingnew

thingswithherhair.Recentl y, I

foundoutthatsomeonehasbeen

flirtingwithher.Oursexlifehas

decreasedoverthelastfew

months.Shebarelyspeakstome

andspendsmostofhertimeon

Facebook.Sherefusestodiscuss

ourrelationship,andIsuspect

shemaybelookingforsomeone

neworhasalreadyfoundhim.I

just don’tgetit.Ilo veher. We

havebeenmarriedfornineyears.

Pleasehelpmetounderstand.

FeelingLonely

DearFeeling Lonely:Yourwife

maynotwanttodiscussyour

relationship,butsometimesit’s

thethingspeopleleastwantto

talkaboutthatmostneedtobe.

Tellyourwifeyouha venoticed

thechangesinherbehaviorand

inyourle velofintimacy.Tellher

youlo veherandfeelyourmar-

riageisthreatened.Ifsh estill

doesn’twa nttodiscussyour

relationship,tellherit’s timeyou

goseeatherapisttogether.Ifshe

doesn’tag ree,thengetsome

counselingwithouther.

DearAbby:Doyoufieldmore

questionsfromunmarriedcou-

pleslivingtogetherthanfrom

marriedcouples?Icanonlyjudge

fromwhatisprinted.

Inquisitivein Virginia

DearInqu isitive:That’s an

interestingquestion.Frankly, I

haveneverbrokendownthe

lettersintocategorieslike“mar-

ried”or“cohabiting.”Marriedor

not,theirrelationshipquestions

interest me, or Iwouldn’t print

them.

DEAR ABBYBy JeannePhillips

Abusive husband wants

wife to come back home

Write to DearAbbyat P.O. Box

69440, Los Angeles, CA 9006 9 or

http://www.dea rabby.com.

For fi ve ye ars, we’ve pilgrimaged to
Truckee with theSASBs (Stephanie
Boone andfamily).Stephanie didn’t get
deterred that on our first mountain trip,
we totaled herSUV, nor that on the next
four trips,it refused to snow, and sowe
took longwalks instead ofslaloming,
which worked outwell for me since I
have never been onskis.
But thisyear therewere honest-to-
goodnessflakes on the ground.Actually, a
little toomuch— se veral feet, and sowe
found ourselves indoors 90 percent of the
time.
SASB dished out the Clue,Monopoly,
Heads Up and Mystery Caramel games
while I cookedAvengerswaffles, bacon
and hot cocoa.It was almost perfect ex-
cept that Aidan had been incubating a
death cold for three days before the trip,
and he coughedevery germ he could find
into the teeny cabin.
I had beenavoiding this. I made Aidan
sit on Brian’s side of the car on the drive.
At first, Idenied that Iwas
getting sick, walking out-
side, reciting poetry in the
blizzard. On the six-hour
chain-controls drive home,
with the first of the snif-
fles, I got angryabout
stuffy noses. I hate taking
Nyquil.
With the first backache I popped Air-
borne and garlic andhydrogen peroxide,
bargaining withmy immunesystem to
back me rather than the virus.
But with thesureness of a zombie
apocalypse, the cold first took Aidan,
then Zane, then Brian. Alas,yesterday,
back at work, the sneezing and the cough-
ing began.
I went home, measured the low-grade
fever and took the hated cold medicine. I
slept for nine hours.When I woke up, I
surrendered.No chicken soup coulddeter
it, and Iacqu iesced to the next 10 days. I
would survive, and in a fortnight my life
would seemmuchbetter.
In the meantime, I grabbedwhatjoy I
could and as soon aswe walked into the
blue bungalow in the outer, outer, outer
Excelsior, I insisted on the“Talling of the
Boys.” For a decade, Aidan and Zane have
stood with their back to thewall of the
bathroomdoor, andPapa has marked
their height with a blue laundry marker.
For the record, Aidan came inat 4-foot-8
and Zane came inat 5-foot-4, a mere 2¾
inchesshorter than hisdear old dad.
Zane’s comment: “I thinkwe’ll need a
bigger door.” A little ambition isgood for
the soul.
Duringmy acceptance phase, I remem-
ber Nurse Vivian saying, “Feed a cold and
starve a fe ver!” and so to please her eter-
nal soul I baked porkchops and mashed
potatoes and sneaked in scoops of Oreo
ice cream.When I go back to Weight

Watchers, I can blameit on my mother.

My head cold became a metaphor for

politics.Head colds are unfair.Not one of

my friendsvoted for a head cold. Idon’t

have to likeit; I only need tosurvive for

four years. I will resist with allmy might,

but when I finally give up, I willstill find

whatjoys I can in the newworld order.

And my resistance willget stronger.

Oh, yes, other joys: the Fisher-Paulson

After Christmas Puzzle. Turns out that

every one ofmy readers knew the original

name for SanFrancisco and that most of

the natives admitted thatIrish coffeewas

not born here, but rather immigrated in

its infancy.

GregPeck explained that theslope of

FilbertStreet was 31.5 percent, not 31.5

degrees(the fact that I managed to gradu-

ate from college without taking one single

math course may have factored in here).

Marc Dusteclarified thatFreddieMercu-

ry played not theWinterland Ballroom

but theWinterland Arena, ascharming

as “a bombshelter.”

There was debate about

where you couldget buried

in SanFrancisco.Judy

Scully Boyle pointed out

that herfather,who had

served in the samewar as

Pop, was buried in the

Presidio.JosephF. Melan-

son claimed thatyou canget your ashes

dispositionedat St. Dominic’s. I haven’t

beenable to verify this but if true,my

mortal remains will spend eternity in the

city’s onlyshrine toSt. Jude.

The most fiercely arguedquestion:

“What foreign nation lies south of San

Francisco?”Robert Cherneysugg ested

Australia. ChrisHebert andIrene Taka-

hashi’s husb and insisted on Oman.Shel-

don Bacchus and EricNaftaly averred

that it was Mauritius, andJohn Underhill

said Iran. Mark Hett pic ked Russia, and

even though Putin will seize a lot of terri-

tories in the next fouryears, Idenied

that.

The best answer came from BobNy-

den, who stated that there is no country

south of SanFrancisco. Afteryou rea ch

the SouthPole, you’re no longergoing

south.Everywhere else isNorth. But

Canada, Istill lo ve you. Please annex us

as soon as possible.

Tim Curley didn’t argue that Al Capone

played the banjo, but asked if thatwas

why he was imprisoned in Alcatraz.He

was rig ht! Researchshowed thatMama

and Papa Capone hadactuallywanted

young AlphonseGabriel to play awood-

wind, but heskip ped out on his tenor

saxophone lessons.

Clearly a case of SaxEvasion.

Kevin Fisher -Paulson’s column appears

Wednesdaysin Datebook. Email:

[email protected]

KEVIN FISHER-PAULSON

Cold factsabout colds

and local history

My head cold

became a

metaphorfor

politics.

And that’swhen he takes a
giantstackof hats out of a
plastic grocery bag, places one
at a jaunty angle on his head
and leansat an even jauntier
angleagainst thewall to pose
for photos.
That same contradiction is
manifest in the Beckett passag-
es Irwin selected to perform in
his soloshow, drawing from
“Texts forNothing,” “Watt” (a
novel, one of Beckett’s most
crypticworks), “Endgame” and
“Waiting for Godot” (inwhich
Irwin performed in1988 with
Robin Williams andStev e Mar-
tin, at Lincoln Center Off-
Broadway).
The passages areat once
morose and laugh-out-loud
funny, linguistically simple and
philosophically lofty. Sample
line: “Personally of course I
regreteverything.”
“He’s darkly funny,” Irwin
says after the photoshoot, “and
he’s funnyabout — theword
‘existential’ is so fraught. You
can seestudents’ eyesglaze
over, anybody’s eyes —my eyes
glaze over when people use the
phrase.But it is so exciting to
see somebody take on the really
basicquestions ofwhatis hu-
man existence, and take them
on fearlessly, but with mordant
humor. A lot of us tryit, and
we’re notsuccessful.”
One of the recurring features
of the selections is direct con-
tradiction.“On Beckett” begins

with the first“Text forNoth-

ing” (Beckett wrote 13 of these

short, genre-defying prose

pieces): “Suddenly, no, at last,

long last, I couldn’t any more, I

couldn’t go on.”

Irwin says those contra-

dictions are “wonderful” for

him as anactor because

“they’reactive; it’s like an argu-

ment withyourself.”

“One of theways (Beckett)

holds the mirrorup to nature is

he talksabout the different

parts of the self almost like the

old ‘me, myself and I’ riddles.

... That’s how consciousness

holdsitself up, almost like

nattering, arguing back and

forth.”

That notion guides howIr-

win finds intention, physical

and mental, in lines that can

seem opaque. “Texts forNoth-

ing,” he points out, can seem

especially impenetrable, be-

cause there’s almost no in-

dentat ion; it can seem like a

“wall ofwords,” and as an

actor, he really has to“play

withstopping” to help give

those piecesshap e.

“You ’re looking for theway

that you’re actively working out

something, andyou’re saying

thesewords for the first time,”

he sa ys. That idea also helped

him selectwhich texts to per-

form in the first place; he

looked for “anactive process of

investigation that the speaker is

going through.”

“The way we organize lan-

guage literally and conversa-

tionally, and theway he plays

with that —it’s like nobody

else. It drives me crazy, andit

makes me — like I say in the

evening, I have to get away

fromit sometimes,it’s claustro-

phobic and oppressive some-

times.But I’m always drawn

back within minutes or some-

times hours.

Lily Janiak isThe San Francisco

Chronicle’stheater critic. Email:

[email protected] Twitter:

@Lil yJaniak

Paul Chinn /The Chronicle

Actor andclown BillIrwin visitsthe ACT rehearsalstudio

before the run of his soloshow, “OnBeckett .”

Irwin is

back with

yet more

Beckett

Irwinfrom page E1