ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE
My cousin’s wife went into
labour while at home one
evening. Anxious, he phoned
emergency services to get
help.
“Is this her first child?”
the call handler asked.
“No, of course not,” my
cousin responded, angrily.
“It’s her husband!”
SUBMITTED BY JILL COHENKNOW THYSELF
I was supervising some
prospective employees at our
construction company as they
filled out their application forms.
Everyone was busily writing away
except for one guy, who appeared
stumped. He turned to his friend
and whispered, “Hey, George,
what’s my maiden name?”
SUBMITTED BY RICHARD L. HORTONCARTOON: P.C. VEY; PHOTOS: iSTOCK
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
[Holding up two ties]
ME: “Which one? I have a big
meeting today.”
WIFE: “Both are nice.”
[Later]
WIFE: “How did it go?”
ME: “Well, wearing two ties
was a real disaster.”
@MURMANNS ON TWITTERAugust• 2017 || 91“I believe the old lady was ahead of you.”GET CREATIVE
Need an excuse for being late to the
office? Don’t try these – they didn’t
work the first time:
Q “I forgot it wasn’t the weekend.”
Q “My dad offered to make me a
grilled cheese sandwich, and
I couldn’t say no.”
Q “I had to watch a soccer game that
was being played in Europe.”
Q “My mother-in-law wouldn’t stop
talking.” Source: careerbuilder.comMy shrink is not very
perceptive. I’ve been in
therapy for eight years and
he still thinks I’m there for
‘a friend’. COMEDIAN RONNIE SHAKES