China Report Issue 48 May 2017

(coco) #1
Making friends is a skill we all learn from a
young age, and a skill I felt I had grasped by
the time I left school. However, throw into
the mix a new country and new culture, and
you’re right back to basics. Shortly after arriv-
ing in China, I went on a weekend trip with
some classmates. This trip, although intended
to be a break from studies, taught me some
essential lessons on friendship in China.
Our first class came the very first day after
we arrived. While trying to catch a tan on
the beach, we ran into a local Chinese guy
called Dazhi, who we’d chatted to briefly in
our hostel the evening before. We had a quick
catch-up, telling him that we had been look-
ing around the town that morning. Hearing
this, he seemed almost hurt that we hadn’t
contacted him so that he, as a local, could
have shown us around. It was as if we had
travelled to an old friend’s hometown after
years apart, without bothering to look them
up.
This is when lesson one revealed itself: the
obligation of the local. If there are friends (or,
in our case, foreigners) visiting your home-
town, you’re obliged to drop everything in
order to ensure they’re thoroughly welcomed.
We subsequently, and unwittingly, consented
to a 24-hour non-stop, whistle-stop tour of
Dazhi’s hometown. And when I say non-
stop, this is no exaggeration. We were allowed
a mere four hours of sleep that evening in
order to get up for sunrise and immediately
continue with the next day’s adventures. Al-
though we were of course grateful for Dazhi’s
hospitality, we were very glad to make a wea-
ry return home the next evening.
A week or so later came lesson number
two: the normality of spontaneity. In the
event of a visit from a friend, no matter how
spontaneous or inconvenient said visit may
be, you are expected to be available. This
lesson we learned when one day, out of the
blue, Dazhi messaged us saying that he was
nearby and waiting for us to meet him. You
would have thought during the two-hour
journey between his town and ours that he

would have found time to tell us. But where’s
the spontaneity in that? My classmates and I
weren’t particularly busy that day, luckily, and
all agreed that we owed it to our new friend
to take him around for a couple of hours.
Wait. A couple of hours? But did Dazhi
not host us for 24?
And so, class began again with lesson num-
ber three: the commitment of a meet-up.
Meeting Chinese friends rarely constitutes a
simple chat over coffee, or walk in the park.
Particularly when meeting a visiting friend,
the time commitment is likely to be four
hours minimum. That day with Dazhi, we
had a long catch-up over coffee, a lengthy

walk around the city and an extensive meal
in the evening. By the end of dinner, we all
had places to be and felt we must have suf-
ficiently fulfiled our hosting duties. We po-
litely dropped in to the conversation that we
had rugby training that evening, in the ex-
pectation that Dazhi would take the hint and
conclude the reunion.
On the contrary, our pre-arrangements
seemed to be of no hindrance. Dazhi ended
up coming along to rugby training and, de-
spite his apparent lack of interest in sports,
and lack of sports attire for that matter, even
joined in. Two hours later, we returned to
our university accommodation, tired and
ready for a good night’s rest. This would have
seemed a natural time to say our adieus and
part ways. Dazhi again brought out the pup-
py-dog eyes when we turned down his sug-
gestion of going for late night coffee. Never-
theless, by this time, we were truly exhausted
and managed to bring the rendezvous to a
close.
We may have failed to live up to our new
friend’s expectations; however, our encounter
with Dazhi did teach us some valuable lessons
about friendship in China. I’ve since adjusted
my attitude towards making and maintain-
ing friendships in China. At home in the
UK, I regard making friends as a natural pro-
cess – if your personalities are suited, then the
friendship tends to form and develop with
little conscious effort. In China, however,
I now tend to view friendship-making as a
much more premeditated process, a process
to be studied and executed to plan. I’ve even
been explicitly asked by Chinese friends, “Are
we friends now?” or “Can we be friends?” –
questions I haven’t felt the need to ask since
primary school.
With every new country comes a new set
of lessons, in every aspect of life. Of course,
there’s a lot more to friendship in China than
the three lessons Dazhi taught me. Nonethe-
less, for me, this was certainly a good start
and has led to many an interesting encounter
as I continue my journey in China.

Meeting Chinese friends rarely
constitutes a simple chat over
coffee, or walk in the park.
Particularly when meeting
a visiting friends, the time
commitment is likely to be four
hours minimum

essay

fast friends


By Abigail Thomson

Illustration by Liu Xiaochao
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