Marie Claire South Africa — January 2018

their attention. They’re depriving
themselves of downtime, opportunities
to communicate and process the day,
and to get sensual or carnal, if they
want to.’
It’s not just the physical act of
using these devices that is affecting
relationships though. Engaging on
social media too frequently while in
a relationship leads to resentment and
jealousy. ‘Researchers at the University
of Missouri interviewed hundreds
of Facebook users aged between 18
and 82, who believed their partner’s
Facebook use increased conflict in
their relationship,’ Paul continues. ‘As
the use of the site increased, the study
found, so did their jealousy, leading
to break-ups, cheating and divorce.
The more we resort
to digital intimacy, the
less fluent our actual
intimacy becomes.’
A poll by Pew
Research Center
found that 45%
of Millennial
respondents said that
social media has had
a major impact on
their relationships.
Forbes.com notes,
‘According to [this]
survey, 25% of
respondents claim
that their spouse was
too distracted with
their phone when
they were together.
An additional 18% of
respondents between
18 and 29 said
that they have had
serious arguments
over their partner’s
obsession with spending time online.
Some 34% of women and 62% of men
admit to snooping on their partner’s
private messages. Ironically, nearly a
third would consider such snooping
grounds for ending a relationship.’
But, it’s not all bad news; when used
correctly, technology can actually be
effective in improving your sex life.
A 2017 global sex survey conducted
by Clue and Kinsey Institute for
Research in Sex, Gender and
Reproduction revealed that South
Africa is the top sexting nation in the
world, with 77% of local respondents
claiming that they sext. ‘Sexting may

be becoming a new, but typical, step in a sexual or romantic relationship,’ says Amanda Gesselman, a research scientist at Kinsey Institute. According to local sexologist Marlene Wasserman in an article on iol.co.za, ‘It’s not surprising we’re on top of the world. I think it’s because we don’t have a foundation of sexual education. We’re uncomfortable talking face to face – it’s easier to do it online. The problem is that we still don’t have a good foundation of sex education in schools; and sexting often creates an exaggerated sense of intimacy. You will talk to someone online in a way that you don’t even talk to your partner. It’s almost an escape from the realness of life in that you avoid a lot of conflict when you are online; there you can say things that you wouldn’t even say to your partner.’ ‘Technology is tightly interwoven with our daily lives, and we use it to connect with and manage many of the things that are most important to us,’ continues Kinsey Institute’s Amanda. ‘As our survey shows, this includes love and sex

a large number of
people engage with
technology not only
to meet partners, but
also to learn more
about sex, to track
their own sexual
experiences and to
improve their sexual relationships.
While there are many reports on the
consequences of technology on our
private lives, these results relay a more
positive story: that people are leaning
on technology to help them create
better experiences for themselves and
their partners.
‘Through the research being
conducted on theimpact of technology
on people’s sexual relationships,
we’re beginning to better understand
how these technologies are being
used, what positive outcomes they
may bring and how they might be
improved further.’mc

sex

WE ASKED YOU:

39%

YIP, I’M ALWAYS CONNECTED AND ONLINE

61%

NOPE, REAL-LIFE CONNECTIONS OVER VIRTUAL ONES

48 MARIECLAIRE.CO.ZA JAN/FEB 2018

PHOTOGRAPHS

THE LICENSING PROJECT, ISTOCK

*ADDITIONAL SOURCES

TIME.COM, ABC.COM, DUREX.COM, MEDIUM.COM, PEW RESEARCH CENTER

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Marie Claire South Africa — January 2018

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