MARRIAGE CAN BE FILLED
WITH EXCITING THINGS,
such as planning your celebration
with family and friends. But it can also
be filled with more controversial things,
such as lobola or magadi – a ‘bride price’.
According to this custom, a man must
pay lobola before he can be considered
married to a woman. It’s one of those
customs that sits at the centre of the
friction between the old and the new.
Many still embrace it, but others find
it a commercialised barrier to getting
hitched, or consider it anti-feminist.‘LOBOLA WAS ABOUT BRINGING
OUR FAMILIES TOGETHER’
‘My husband, Thabang, paid for
my lobola in 2012. I was 26 and he
had recently turned 30,’ says Bianca
Hlatshwayo, 31, from Johannesburg.
‘In a world where cohabiting is a norm,
my parents were happy to hear that
Thabang was willing to pay for my
lobola. And trust me, it wasn’t going
to come cheap: 12 cows at R5 000 each
for their girl. That meant Thabang
would have to cough up R60 000 to
marry me. He sent a letter to my family,
outlining his intention to take me as
his wife. My family responded with
a date for him to come to our home
and begin the process of negotiating.
On a Saturday afternoon, three of his
uncles arrived at my parents’ home and
our families agreed for us to be married.
‘Many people question lobola these
days. They disregard the symbolism of
the occasion by saying lobola is about
“buying women”. That wasn’t the
case for me – I didn’t feel “bought”.
Lobola was about bringing our families
together. That’s how it’s been done
in our Zulu culture for years.
‘I looked at Thabang in a different
light after he paid lobola – he showed
his commitment to me. Lobola brings
about a sense of togetherness between
two families. I’m happy that I embraced
my custom.’‘MY LOBOLA NEGOTIATIONS
NEARLY RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP’
For Thopy Makamo, 35, from
Durban, the experience of lobola
was very different. ‘Coming from
a traditional family, it was important
for Sipho to pay lobola,’ she says.DOES QUESTIONING THE RELEVANCE
OF THIS AGE-OLD CUSTOM MEAN YOU’RENOT PROUD OF YOUR AFRICAN HERITAGE?
AND HOW ABOUT THE FEMINIST DILEMMA:
DOES LOBOLA PROMOTE WOMEN AS
PROPERTY THAT CAN BE BOUGHT?
BUSISIWE GUMEDE IN V ESTIGATES