196 Deaf Epistemologies, Identity, and Learning
As the structures, systems, and language of advanced academia seemed to have
been used for domination in the case of my thesis, the unexpected obstacles could
also be interpreted as an act of symbolic violence. I had not been able to represent
myself before the committee and defend my study, which made me feel frustrated,
angry, and powerless. In the course of resisting the decision and the advice to
rewrite my dissertation from a standard perspective, I learned that there had been
objections along the margins of the meeting. The fact that the procedure had not
been open, and seemed to have turned into a struggle for power, made it hard for
me to communicate the experience to my family, friends, and research participants.
I also remained silent in the face of assumptions and gossip that my work was
probably not good enough. In my family, I represented the first generation to go to
university. It was very difficult to explain to my parents and grandparents what had
happened, as they did not have any sort of background in higher education and
already saw me as an unequivocal success because I had a degree. However, they
made it clear to me that I should stand up for myself and refuse to accept unfairness
or inferior treatment.FINDING STRENGTH IN THE pARADOx OF DOING RESEARCH
ON EMpOWERMENT WHILE NOT FEELING EMpOWERED
Oppression often encourages deaf people to excel. In fact, much of the deaf com-
munity’s wisdom has been derived from stories and experiences of overcoming sub-
jugation, as the following quoteby Danilo E. Torres V (a deaf student at Gallaudet,
originally from Colombia) illustrates.I learned on my own, through experience, through what I had seen. Now
I know that I can do things, so I want to go to Colombia and tell deaf school
students about my experiences and going through the school of hard knocks.
I can explain to them that they can do things. They shouldn’t do what I did.
I can tell them what I have seen in the world: that the world has deaf lawyers
and what the United States has. I talk to them about what I have experienced
and how I got through it. It is important to ask and ask. It is not good to just
say nothing. Maybe, if you ask, doors will open.
Be assertive, and do not just accept things and get off the bus. For exam-
ple, if they fall off a bicycle, do they get back on or stay off? Of course they
get back on. It’s the same thing. That’s a simple example; they can always
get back on. They shouldn’t give up. It’s the same for reading and writing.
They have to repeatedly do it, and they will understand. Don’t discourage
them. I tell them: “Never give up, no, keep going.” They will say, “Oh, I didn’t
realize that. I thought we should stop.” I always answer, “No, keep going until
you die. When I die, maybe I will still read and write up there.” That makes
them laugh, but the important thing is that I expose these things to them in a
positive way.
After the problems I experienced with the dissertation committee, I was very tired,
both mentally and physically. For some time, I lost confidence in the academic world.